The Razzies got it wrong

With all the hoopla surrounding the Academy Awards, the focus has slipped away from another great American institution, The Razzie Awards. A time to celebrate the utter garbage that Hollywood produces.

Taking home the award for “Worst Picture” this year was “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2.” Most likely on account of its absorbedly long title. “Twilight” was a terrible movie, but among the other nominees it was far from the worst.

That's my boy!  Image from ImpAwards.com.
That’s my boy! Image from ImpAwards.com.

That’s My Boy

In “That’s My Boy,” Adam Sandler continues his plans for world domination by destroying everyone’s childhood one insanely horrible movie at a time. For this one, Sandler plays a strange man-child with a weird voice (he really broke out of the mold for this one) who reconnects with his son, played by Andy Samberg (shame on you Adam Sandler for dragging Samberg in on this tire fire), in an attempt to have a big TV reunion of his formally famous family to pay off his tax debt.

This movie is really bad, but it’s a hundred times better then Sandler’s Razzie dominating film from last year, “Jack and Jill,” which might have saved “That’s My Boy” this time.

How long I lasted through the film: Entire movie.

Battleship

The best way to describe “Battleship” is to say that it’s a lot like a “Transformers” movie if the people that were making them had an even worse head injury. If you’re deaf and love explosions, then “Battleship” is the perfect movie for you. Can we please make sure there is never another movie in which Rihanna has more screen time than Liam Neeson?

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2.  Photo from Collider.com.
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Photo from Collider.com.

 

How long I lasted through the film: 70 minutes then skipped to the end.

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

I value my sanity too much to sit through this one.

How long I lasted through the film: Not going to do it.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2

Was “Twilight” good? No! Was it watchable? Not really. Was it better than the others in the franchise? Absolutely. The problem with “Twilight” was that it had a reputation of being horrible, but compared to the others, this one wasn’t that bad. Despite the fact that there is a CGI baby (how hard is it to find a real baby?) and the final fight scene of the film doesn’t even really happen, this isn’t the worst film of the year.

How long I lasted through the film: Entire movie

A Thousand Words

And now the film that was the absolute worst of the year, “A Thousand Words.”

Eddie Murphy plays a man who is cursed and with every word he says, a leaf will fall from a special tree. When that tree has no more leaves, he will die. It’s a little like the movie “Liar Liar,” but if nobody cared. You would think that a movie in which Eddie Murphy barely speaks would be good, but he has to resort to his physical comedy skill, which sadly no longer exists. With a very predictable ending and an apparent lack of effort, “A Thousand Words” is definitely the film that should have won “Worst Picture.”

How long I lasted through the film: First 20 minutes and the last 30 minutes.