Two Days In the Life of a Sick Man (A short story)

For the past week I have been inflicted with some strange undiagnosed illness. Here is my two-day story of how I dealt with it.

Monday

Being sick in bed always sucks. Image from Health Central.
Being sick in bed always sucks. Image from Health Central.

9:00 a.m. This is definitely not how I felt when I went to bed last night, but I think it may be death.

11:00 a.m.  This is death, but it is a slow death. It’s like when you have a friend that insists that “Entourage” is a good show and forces you to watch some episodes.

3:00 p.m. I’ve been sleeping for the last four hours and now feel worse.

3:15 p.m. Just got tired walking to the bathroom. Why aren’t Hoverounds easier to obtain! Thanks a lot, Obama!

6:27 p.m. Trying to eat, but food is being a real asshole right now.

7:00 p.m. Watching “The Royal Tenenbaums.” I forgot how many dog fighting scenes are in this movie.

9:30 p.m. Getting tired watching other people play video games. See previous comments about Obama and Hoverounds.

10:15 p.m. Going to bed.

10:30 p.m. I’m great at free-styling when I’m sick and half asleep.

 

Tuesday

12:00 p.m. Just woke up and going to see if I can eat anything.

12:05 p.m. Nope.

1:37 p.m. Now coughing so much that my ribs hurt but on the plus side ABS!!!!!

2:34 p.m. Now comparing sick stories with other ill people. It’s like a depressing game of one-upmanship, but with more vomit.

4:32 p.m. Pretty sure I’m having some weird fever dream because I just saw the Human Torch steal my microwave.

5:49 p.m. At the level of sick where I just said, “Forget studying. I’d rather just chug Nyquil and sleep than pass this class.”

10:22 p.m. Nyquil is great.

10:40 p.m. Still can’t eat so I have resulted to watching shows about food to get nourishment. It’s narrated by John Goodman.

11:30 p.m. Going to sleep for the fourth time today. Comas seem fun.

And this concludes my two day journey of germ filled sleep, medicine and friend annoying with constant complaining and weird misplaced anger. I get weird when I’m sick.