The friend zone: You’re there for a reason

I am so tired of guys complaining about being put in the friend zone.

As a woman with … let’s call it ambiguous sexuality, it makes me mad to hear guys complain about how they’re “too nice” to find someone. It’s not true. The thing is, many women will tell a guy he’s “too nice” in order to avoid hurting his feelings when she’s not interested in him. Yes, it sucks, but it makes a lot of sense.

For one thing, men can be extremely dangerous for women. Just look up the domestic violence and rape statistics if you don’t believe me. A woman has to train herself to pick out aspects of a guy that seem creepy or off-putting. A lot of guys somehow think it’s appropriate to be extremely pushy or possessive when it comes to wooing a potential partner.

Do nice guys finish last? Photo from

Trust me, it’s not. It’s not appropriate in the slightest.

Most guys who are romantically successful understand this. In fact, most guys understand this. It’s just an incredibly vocal minority who use their experiences to further their misogynistic views. The idea that women are manipulative shrews isn’t new in the slightest, but it is an idea that needs to stop having any kind of traction in today’s society.

So let me reiterate: if you’re in the friend zone, she just isn’t into you. Maybe she needs to communicate her lack of interest a little more clearly, but this is a problem that isn’t necessarily about gender.

I’m mostly interested in women, so forgive me if I’m a little unforgiving when it comes to this phenomenon, but it’s not appropriate to constantly follow a girl around expecting something from her. It’s not appropriate to do nice things for her in exchange for sex or a romantic relationship. It’s not appropriate to constantly comment on her Facebook wall telling her how “cute” she is. It’s not appropriate to text her until three o’clock in the morning when she’s clearly trying to disengage from you. And it’s most certainly not appropriate to try and dissolve her romantic relationships.

Yes, sometimes it’s okay to get irritated at a girl who deliberately takes advantage of you — but in most cases, that’s not what’s happening. There’s this idea that women are obligated to acquiesce to the desires of men, and it’s an idea that often leads to a lot of hurt on all sides. If you think about it, isn’t complaining about “the friend zone” basically just complaining about how a woman won’t have sex with you?

Think about it.