Highlanders Anonymous: Nutella, cheaters and confusing playboys

I just found out my girlfriend of two years eats Nutella out of the jar. I’m seriously grossed out now, and it’s affecting our relationship! She’s otherwise a wonderful, loving person. What do I do to get past this?

That doesn’t sound too bad.

Does she have any other messy habits you wish she’d lose? If so, that’s something to be concerned about and you should talk about it. You’d be surprised at how irritating it can be when your partner is leaving dishes around. If this is the only thing she’s doing, then maybe you need to back up a bit and ask yourself if you’re being a control freak.

Eating Nutella the wrong way could ruin your relationship. Graphic by Haylie Wise.
Eating Nutella the wrong way could ruin your relationship. Graphic by Haylie Wise.

You can’t control her actions, particularly when they’re only affecting her. She isn’t hurting you by eating Nutella, but it WILL hurt her if you bring this up in a judgmental conversation about her eating habits (you don’t mention other health problems in this question, so I’m going to assume she’s not endangering her health here).

You’re both adults. She can choose whether or not to eat Nutella out of the jar. You can choose how to react to it.

My girlfriend cheated on me a year ago. Nowadays, I can’t help but invade her privacy in order to get some peace of mind. She’s getting more and more upset as time goes on. She hasn’t cheated since, but it doesn’t matter – I can’t stop being so crazy. Please help?    

The first thing you need to do is take a step back and ask yourself why you think you should continue this relationship. A relationship is a tenuous thing; you can escape it any time you like, and the worst that’s going to happen is that you’ll have to make awkward living choices.

Not everyone who cheats is doomed to do it again. She may well have learned her lesson; the fact that she hasn’t cheated again-despite the fact that you’ve turned into a control freak who’s crossing a few boundaries-speaks well of her. Unfortunately, I’m here to say it doesn’t matter. If you keep doing this, you’re going to push her away. At this point, breaking up may be for the best.

The best course of action may be to end the relationship. This isn’t entirely her fault; she’s proven herself to you over and over again, so I think she deserves your trust at this point. But the fact remains that you’re going a little crazy and the boundary crossing isn’t getting better.

This could easily turn into a domestic violence situation; in fact, what you’re doing right now could be qualified as emotional abuse. Checking her phone and invading her privacy over an incident that happened a year ago is emotionally abusive because you’re constantly reminding her of a past transgression. You’re blaming her for something she’s repented for, and you’re not respecting her enough to give her the privacy she needs.

Don’t follow your heart on this one; your heart isn’t making the right decisions right now.

There’s this guy who’s beyond confusing. One minute he’s sending me flowers; the next he’s saying he doesn’t like me like that and “just wants to be friends!” I think he’s using me. My friends tell me he’s playing hard to get, and if that’s so I don’t want to end things because I like him. Help? 

Drop him like a bad habit.

Whether or not he’s playing hard to get, at a certain point in the relationship you need to leave the games at the door and express how you feel. Playing hard to get during the dating stages of a relationship can add fun and intrigue but eventually you have to sit down with your prospective partner and communicate. He could have feelings for you, but you have to do what’s best for you and find someone who’s not going to play so many games.

He’s probably being honest with you when he says he just wants to be friends. If you’re sleeping with him (which you might well be, and if so, no judgment) he might be trying to keep you interested for the sex. If that’s the case, you need to stop being interested on your own terms.

You deserve better than this; get out there and find someone who wants to appreciate you.

If you have something you want to ask, submit your question here.