Highlanders Anonymous: Romance! Also gay bars!

I’m a gay guy who has a boyfriend on campus. We’ve only been together for a few months. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me, but he does things that he can use to show he does. He just doesn’t say anything, or try nearly as hard as I do in our relationship. Am I being crazy?

Well, that depends.

Your boyfriend may not be the type to try hard in love. People who are insecure try a lot harder to keep their partner happy than people who aren’t that insecure; maybe he’s just being himself. You’re trying really hard right now because this is the beginning of your relationship, but maybe he’s the type of guy who just acts similarly to how he would normally act within the confines of that relationship.

Another thing to consider is your style of dating. Do you like to chase? Does he like to be chased? If that’s the case, then it may be okay. Chasing does not mean stalking. There is a difference. If someone conveys disinterest, you have to respect that.  Try to see whether you need to calm your crazy.

This may be the case if:

-You’re doing things people do at the beginning of relationships (like buying flowers, etc.) and he’s not.

-You ask him to come over about 60-75 percent of the time. Any more than that and he might be a bit disinterested.

All your secret romance questions can be answered by a Highlander. Image from Creative Commons.
All your secret romance questions can be answered by a Highlander. Image from Creative Commons.

-You do most of the romantic things. On another note, he might not be a very romantic person.

-The things he does for you are more of a practical nature; he may not be a romantic person.

-He’s not saying things that he’s already said. He may just think you should know it by now.

Now, some ways to tell if this isn’t the case for you:

-You’re always inviting him over. (See the 60-75 percent thing.)

-He cancels on you at the last minute.

-He doesn’t remember important dates like birthdays or anniversaries. Couples at the beginning of their relationships still do that “one month anniversary” thing, right?

-He’s disrespecting you.

-The things he does are always things he can bring up during a fight.

Answer this question: how often do you and your boyfriend talk about important things? Dreams, futures, love, class, day-to-day life, that sort of stuff? You can’t have a relationship if the only conversation you have occurs while the two of you are in bed together (unless for some reason you cuddle under blanket forts or something).  Be honest with yourself about this question. Could you talk to your boyfriend about bad things that have happened? If not, reassess.

It seems he’s just not that romantic. Give him a chance. Don’t force him to be something he’s not. Love him for who he is. It’ll be okay one way or the other.

My boyfriend of three years and I broke up last June. (We met in high school.) I have yet to even go on a date since then; I’m completely over it, but I don’t want to deal with the drama of another relationship right now because I have other things going on. My friends think I’m moping about it, but the idea of going out with some guy I don’t even know makes me a little nauseous. Please help?

You don’t need to date just because your friends tell you that you need to.

You might not be ready to date someone new right now. You mentioned that you’re over it (though of course you could be in denial). You stated that your life was really chaotic right now, and that you didn’t want to add to the chaos with a new relationship.

That doesn’t sound like you’re “moping.” It sounds like you have it together.

College doesn’t have to be about dating. It doesn’t have to be about one-night stands or bar hook-ups (though of course you’re likely not 21). College can just be about preparing yourself for the future – for your career, for your life, for the person who will fill your life later on.  It can be about dancing and going out to parties. It can be about developing your own set of hobbies.

Single lesbian here. Why aren’t there more available gay (or bi, I’m not picky) women around here? I’m starting to feel really alone lately. I want your opinion on this.

There are plenty. You’re just not looking for them in the right places.

One of the latest statistics on the matter stated that homosexual people account for about 3.8 percent of the American population. This means that about half includes lesbian or bi women. Unfortunately, this is a pretty grim prospect;  however,  the United States has about 313.5 million people in it, so at least a few of these people have to be LGBT.

1.) Radford has plenty of women who are interested in women… or at least has a proportionate number of them, but the LGBT community isn’t terribly large and sometimes you may not know if someone is interested in women or not.

2.) The LGBT community (as with basically everything else) at Tech is significantly larger. There might be a gay bar there. If there isn’t, they likely have a chapter of the Gay-Straight Alliance (though it’s somewhat tacky to go there looking for dates).

3.) If all else fails, go to Roanoke. They have a gay bar there.

Of course, keep in mind that you are in a Southern area that isn’t well-known for its tolerance towards LGBT people. It’s better than some places, but cities are usually a lot better about it. You may need to move before you find a compatible woman, and that is perfectly okay. Just keep your chin up and eat lots of tacos.

You can ask a question here.