Run, run as fast as you can

RU’s squirrels have acquired a high level of fame on campus. They’re so famous that they are on the RU “Bucket List” on the school website. The last item on the list is to meet one of these little buggers. From my experience, they don’t even care. They’re fearless.

Since I have yet to have many dramatic interactions with these fearless, furry critters so far, I went and interviewed one of the Whim staff members. The staff member is Haley Waggener, section manager for Science Tech and Health and this is her story:

So, what happened?

Radford Squirrels are more devious than normal squirrels. Graphic by Grace Higginbotham
Radford Squirrels are more devious than normal squirrels. Graphic by Grace Higginbotham

“A squirrel chased me after I got my muffin. I mean croissant. The squirrel, it just came after me. I was walking from Starbucks and this squirrel…it just kept following me. I was like, “Woah, man. You’re cute. Hahaha!” Then it kept coming closer and I was like, “Okay, that’s close enough,” but it just kept coming closer. Then I noticed that there were more squirrels waiting and I knew I was in trouble.”

How did that make you feel?

“I was frightened!”

Go on…

“Well, at that point I started picking up my pace because I though, I can probably outrun these monsters, because I’ve seen what they can do. At that point, I was feeling a bit foolish, as I checked that there was no one around as I jogged away. Yeah then the squirrels started picking up their pace.”

How many squirrels were chasing you?

“Well there was just the one, but there were two, maybe three others that were closer to the building, waiting for their chance. When looking around, I realized that one of the grounds keeps was on his cart. We made eye contact as I ran in my zig-zag. I think he must have realized the perilous situation I was in because he started advancing towards me with his eyes on the squirrel.”

“He blocked the squirrel’s path and I froze, quite embarrassed because I needed rescue from a squirrel.But he must have seen more horrors than I, because he gestured for me to run. So, I did in the most dignified fashion I could muster. I went to class and most of them said that similar things had happened to them.”

What became of the croissant?

“I ate it.”

If any of you or your friends have a legendary squirrel story, please leave a comment or make a submission! If you’ve been traumatized by one of these little devils, and need advice on how to move on, submit a question to highlandersanonymous, your RU advice column.