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3 simple rules for thriving in a relationship with an ambivert

Ambiverts are a strange bunch. We may spend one weekend out, surrounded by friends, and the next in a hobbit-hole far  from  human contact.

Being an ambivert means living with the constant battle between being a social butterfly and crawling under a rock to be  alone with our thoughts. We contain both the traits of an introvert and an extrovert.

Being an ambivert has both positive and negative sides. However, living with an ambivert can be extremely difficult as we lack complete consistency in our daily personality. There are three simple things to consider when dating or befriending an introvert.

  1. Don’t take what we say or do personally

The social butterfly who was taking shots and dancing on tables last weekend may not be there this weekend, but don’t feel that it’s because you did anything wrong. Ambiverts go through completely inconsistent phases of wanting to be social and wanting to be alone. Because of this, we may come off as moody and antisocial, although we were previously talkative and wanted to be surrounded by people.

If you’re friends with or dating an ambivert, it’s incredibly important not to take our mixed signals personally. We may have issues communicating our feelings and come off as harsh. In my experience of dating a fellow ambivert, I’ve had to learn not to be insulted when he comes home mentally exhausted after work. Ambiverts may want to be left alone after a long day of class or work. It’s not because we are annoyed by your presence; we simply need time to decompress and recover from the exhausting task of being a people-person all day.

“If you’re friends with or dating an ambivert, it’s incredibly important not to take our mixed signals personally.” Photo by: Caroline Leggett


  1. Give us space

Living in small quarters with an ambivert probably isn’t a great idea. When I lived in an apartment where I was often forced to speak to my roommate the moment I walked through the door, I had a difficult time being friendly.

Ambiverts exert a lot of energy into their daily business, whether that be work or school. Although being around people feels natural and comfortable, we may find ourselves more exhausted than we planned  after prolonged social interactions. Because of this, we need our own personal space. I’ve found that my room is my space  to decompress when I get home. Others may choose to take a shower or work quietly in their office in order to recover from the day’s events. If we ask for our space, again, don’t take it personally.

  1. Don’t advertise the relationship

Whether you’re dealing with a romantic partner who’s an ambivert or a best friend, we tend to be embarrassed by too much PDA. We may partake in some PDA, but don’t be insulted when we don’t want to hold hands or make our relationship “Facebook official.”

The reason ambiverts don’t like PDA is because we don’t like the assumptions and questions from outsiders. We want things to be simple and not have others butting into our business.

Having a relationship or friendship with an ambivert may not be the easiest thing, but a relationship with us is likely more personal and one-on-one. We believe that extroverted relationships begin to involve others and can complicate things. We prefer to keep things low-key — not because we’re embarrassed, but because we would rather have a close, meaningful and private relationship with those we choose to associate with.