This isn't what aliens look like? Graphic from Smash Up

Aliens aren’t little green men?

For the longest time, a popular depiction of alien life forms has been that of a little green man. However, cosmologist, Fergus Simpson, has just released a paper, “The Nature of Inhabited Planets and Their Inhabitants,” attempting to disprove that common theory.

Simpson’s theory is based on the law of the conservation of energy. He concludes that larger species need more energy to survive, which is why these aliens can’t live amongst human beings on Earth. Simpson explains that “throughout the animal kingdom, species which are physically larger invariably possess a lower population density, possibly due to their enhanced energy demands. As a result, we should expect humans to be physically smaller than most other advanced species.”

This isn't what aliens look like? Graphic from Smash Up
This isn’t what aliens look like? Graphic from Smash Up

Simpson theorizes that aliens should weigh around 650 pounds, based on his mathematical calculations — a stark contrast to the image that Americans hold dear in their hearts.

While the internet is blowing up talking about Simpson’s theory, many scientists are skeptical. Seth Shostak, a researcher for the SETI Institute, announced that he himself was conducting similar research and insists that while the theory is “interesting,” there’s “no concrete data to work with.”

Another part of Ferguson’s theory states that these massive aliens may be more intelligent than human beings due to their large mass. However, Shostak disagreed with that idea. He claims that human beings have particular features that make them the most intelligent life forms on Earth, such as their ability to move upright and use their thumbs. To back up his argument, Shostak went on the record saying, “Polar bears are large, but do not write great literature and build radio towers, and a lot of that is probably because they are walking around on all fours.”

Shostak isn’t Simpson’s only critic. Many people claim that while reasonable, Simpson’s theory fails to factor in gravity, which is a huge part of bodily mass. Because Earth’s gravitational pull is so strong, it makes sense for organisms to be larger. However, other planets’ gravitational pulls are proven to be significantly weaker. While this argument doesn’t note that these large life forms could live in a different galaxy, these critics still have a valid point.

If intelligent life does exist in this galaxy or in a nearby one and has the ability to make contact with the inhabitants of Earth, we should all pray that Simpson’s research is wrong and that these aliens are indeed the tiny green men that we have always imagined.