It is said that later in his administration, Richard Nixon became a total paranoid bastard in regards to intelligence, money and secrets. I doubt if this personality trait grew out of being elected to office; he was probably paranoid as a result of some childhood trauma or chemical imbalance. Anyways, he makes me think of our administration and vice versa.
The Radford University administration has become a bunch of stingy loan sharks. I’d really like to rip open their pockets and see what falls out. Last year, feeling trapped in a corner with no other options, I signed a contract binding me to on-campus living. I don’t even live on campus, I just like to have a place to shower and put my stuff when I crash at my girlfriend’s place. However, it totally slipped my mind that if you live on campus, you have to pay out your arse for a meal plan. It costs something like three feet of intestines and your left nut. Anyways, I didn’t want to pay for some bullshit meal plan when I like to play chef and cook myself taquitos and what-not, so I went to the office of living arrangements (or as I like to call it, the office of sodomy). These bastards tell me that in order to get out of my contract, I have to fill out some form with a valid reason. Here are their acceptable reasons: I’m married, I’m enlisted in the army or I have relatives in a nearby home that I stay with.
Nowhere does it say that I can get out because I can’t afford their goddamned expensive meal plan. Those sneaky whores really had my balls in a vice grip. Long story short, my Ingles roommate and I rarely meet and I have a mealplan instead of grocery money. Whatever, this shit gets worse.
My girlfriend (that I totally mooch off and therefore try to help her moneywise) needs a student loan. Like many of you, she went to the university and didn’t receive financial aid because of some backasswards rule like “go ask your parents for money, we’re too busy giving President Kyle a raise.”
So she gets a loan but no aid, and asks one of those ladies behind the counter in Heth if she should get direct deposit. This bitch steers my girlfriend in the wrong direction completely. It’s one thing if you’re stupid, but if you’re stupid in a position of power, go get a revolver and play Russian Roulette. Seriously. This stupid lady tells my sweet, innocent girlfriend that direct deposit would slow things down. BULLSHIT! And goshdarnit if my trusting girlfriend didn’t believe her.
Two weeks later and far into the semester, no check has arrived. We’re practically getting by on meals of toothpaste and rice. I’m fed up with this bullshit so I decide to go with Heidi (my girlfriend) to the aid office. We talked to a very nice woman who said “Why didn’t you do direct deposit? It only takes a form to set up and we instantly put the money into whatever account you choose,” or something of that nature. I practically dove over the counter to her right, where the “Don’t get direct deposit” lady was closing up shop for the day. In desperation we ask this lady where the goddamn check is. “It will probably be in your hands in about a week.” This unsure bullshit was really starting to piss me off.
“So what should she do for food until then?” I ask, as politely as I can manage.
“Well, you can ask for an emergency loan downstairs, but that usually takes 3-4 days to go through.” Financial Aid lady replies.
My god. Well long story short again, the check came through. We didn’t starve; but I did make some enemies in the financial aid office.
The moral is, don’t bother asking Radford administration staff for anything you’re in dire need of. They fucked up my major, they fucked up my housing and they fucked up my money. It’s like Nixon in his office saying “I want this information double checked! I will not be fooled by some ‘non-profit’ organization that needs federal funding. I want proof that they aren’t godless communists.”
And then Watergate happened. Keep your fingers crossed that the same fate creeps up on these vain succubi.
For a short documentary on student loans, check out this video.