Tag Archives: boyfriend

Is it cheating?

When it comes to relationships, everyone has a different definition of cheating. For some people, cheating strictly means having sex with someone else. For other, kissing or even just thinking about being with someone else is cheating and isn’t tolerated, a zero toleration policy. I know one couple who give each other passes, where they can do whatever they want with other people and face no consequences for it. Here are the main ways to cheat and the different viewpoints surrounding them.

  1. Is it cheating? Graphic from Sex Advice Online
    Is it cheating? Graphic from Sex Advice Online

    Is thinking about another person intimately cheating?

In many relationships, mentally cheating on someone is the same, if not worse, than physically cheating on them. Relationships are based on a mental and emotional connection and if that get severed, than the basis for one’s relationship is broken or, essentially, built on false pretenses the entire time. It would be absolutely heartbreaking to know that your relationship is a lie and the connection you thought you had with someone is not as special as you thought.

  1. Is watching porn cheating?

Some people believe that watching porn is cheating, based on the idea that watching other people have sex is connecting to the cheating mentally idea. If you’re thinking about other people sexually, going as far as masturbating to other people, then essentially you’re having sex with different people in your mind, making it cheating and devastating to your partner.

  1.  When straight girls kiss other girls while being in a relationship, is it cheating?

This is a controversial question. There are many guys who would say no to this question because they think their girlfriends kissing other girls is hot and, somewhat, not real because they aren’t gay. However, this idea is detrimental to the gay community. It’s what doesn’t stop guys from hitting on girls who say they have a girlfriend. They don’t take it seriously because they think all lesbians are kissing girls for their entertainment and that, in the end, they’ll go back to dating men.

Girls kissing other girls should be considered cheating because it is. The gender of the person who is cheating with the person in the relationship really doesn’t matter. They were unfaithful. Simple as that.

Cheating, I think, is a black and white issue. Did you kiss/have sex with someone who isn’t me? Yes? Then you cheated on me. Bye. Although I agree that some cases of cheating are more complicated than others, cheating is cheating and it should never be done, no matter the circumstances. If you’re having problems in the relationship, talk them out. If you break up, that’s okay. It’s way better the break up than to cheat on your partner. Think before your decide to cheat.

Highlanders Anonymous: My roommates are pigs

“So I’ve been dating someone for a while now…and he won’t admit to anyone what we are but me. I really like him but I don’t think what he is doing is okay…what should I do?”

I would be wondering why he wouldn’t admit or tell anyone about the two of you being an item too. Although it might hurt your feelings that he won’t refer to you all as a couple in public, maybe he has a reason for it. If you’re in a work environment, people often keep their relationships on the “down low” to ensure privacy and not disrupt workplace relations.

However, if that’s not the case, it could be that he is just shy. Perhaps he’s afraid of changing the dynamics in your peer group. Don’t just sit watching and waiting for him to show you the answer you are looking for. Try and be straightforward with your feelings. I believe that the key to a healthy relationship is honesty. Also, if this is a deal breaker, make sure you get that across when you bring this issue up.

“I really want a dog but I can’t afford the fee of the pet deposit for my apartment. Any tips?”

I’m sorry, but I’m guessing that if you don’t have enough money for a pet deposit, you probably don’t have the money to keep a pet. There are numerous fees every month for a pet: food, flea prevention, vaccinations, etc. If you aren’t prepared to pay those when getting an animal, then don’t make the commitment!

“Help! My roommates are pigs! I have tried to bring it up but they end up mocking me and leaving. I don’t want to live like this anymore. What should I do?”

messycounterIMGS8348
“Help! My roommates are pigs!” Photo by: Caroline Leggett

Sometimes we’re stuck with roommates (and other not-so-friendly people) that won’t respect our standards of cleanliness. Even though it’s a pain, you’re going to have to just find your own way of coping. Try to make your room nice and spend more time in there or buy your own things so you won’t have to argue over people using the last clean spoon.

Hey, I’m pretty shy and I have been having trouble making friends in class. Are there any good methods on how to start a conversation without being too awkward? Should I just join a club or something?

I would say that most new interactions are going to be a little awkward, so brace yourself. I think that the best “method” to start a conversation is to just bring up a topic that’s relatable and take a seat with someone. That way you have time to talk and get to know one another. Joining a club is like being in a new little family. I definitely recommend that. You can make all sorts of great connections in a club.

That’s all for this week, folks. Don’t forget to submit your questions to Highlanders Anonymous too.

Highlanders Anonymous: He never texts me back

“What should I do if a boy says he likes me, but never texts me back and only does when I get mad?”

First of all, it could be that texting isn’t really his forté, although it’s unlikely. When you’re interested in somebody and they lead you to believe that they are too, things may get very frustrating. This is because you’ve built this person up to be someone in your mind that you are deserving of. That’s a good thing though. You want to set some standard for the people that you go out with.

However, you must know that not everyone is going to live up to your predetermined set of expectations. If they can’t do that, don’t wait up for them. In the end, you’ll only end up hurting yourself. Make sure you share your feelings with him before you go and write him off though. For example: If you don’t text me back, then it gives me the impression that you’re not interested. See what he has to say about that.

3_IMGS8299
“If you don’t text me back, then it gives me the impression that you’re not interested. See what he has to say about that.” Photo of: Jamie Zander. Photo by: Caroline Leggett.

“I have a friend who’s really similar to me and we have the same ambitions, so it’s really fun to work with her. Sometimes I feel like we compete too much. It gets to the point where we don’t feel like friends anymore. What do I do?”

It sounds to me like you might need to take a step back here and analyze your friendship. Why did you decide to be friends in the first place? If you feel that you still want to be friends after you answer that question, go outside of this work environment. Try doing something that friends do, where you can just relate to one another and do something fun. If that doesn’t go, maybe you all just don’t get along so well anymore. People change sometimes and can’t remain friends.

“What’s your opinion on the “Basic Bitch”? Some people think it’s ok, but others get really mad.”

I think that it’s a negative thing to call anyone a bitch in any context. The phrase “Basic Bitch” seems a little passive aggressive. If you don’t know your audience, it could be deemed offensive, so be careful when discussing it.

 

Thanks for all of the submissions, everyone. Good luck!

If you or someone you know has a problem, submit a question to Highlanders Anonymous.

I’m not crazy! You’re crazy!

Speaking to or about your significant other and calling them “crazy” can mean more than you would think. Not only are you slightly dehumanizing them, but you’re saying a lot about yourself. In some cases, an ex really is mentally ill and could be a real-life, court-certified stalker. Odds are that you actually are trying to disassociate from the history that the two of you share and that both parties are at fault.

"No, you're crazy!" Graphic by Danielle Glumsic
Arguing can make you say some things that aren’t true. Graphic by Danielle Glumsic

Not only is playing the blame game childish, it’s also selfish. Walking around and spoiling another reputation is just plain spiteful. Instead of calling them “crazy,” you could reassess the situation and look at it from their point of view. Did you communicate how you felt to the best of your ability?

With that said, why do exes even start labeling one another as “crazy”? Sometimes, it’s just the quickest way to explain a consistent behavior that irks someone. Maybe sending forty text messages saying, “You better not be hanging out with that other skank,” could be perceived negatively by most people’s standards. However, sending one text asking where your boyfriend is may also be looked at the same way. As listeners, sometimes that’s forgotten. There is no telling what might set off a person’s “Wow, they’re nuts,” radar.

It’s hard to try and gauge how much attention a partner looks for in a relationship though. Other common situations also arise. For instance, a partner in the relationship suspects something fishy is going on and snoops. They discover that their boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on them and they’re called, “crazy.” However, isn’t it just as crazy that this other person was keeping nasty secrets hidden away from everyone?

Some people still don’t consider how others interpret the action of them calling a significant other nuts. They might understand saying that about somebody is just another way to hide from your own problems and faults. This masks the hidden issues from your peers and family. You say you label someone when you simply can’t understand them, what they do, or how they think. Essentially, it’s just that you can’t understand yourself and therefore, can’t take control of the situation.