Tag Archives: comedy

Ode to Hot Sauce

You burn my tongue
Yet your taste tempts me on
I twist and lift your top
And sniff your essence
My eyes water

You flavor my fries
You coat my wings
And drip onto my ramen
I crave you on all foods now
Is it an obsession or a phase?

Tabasco, Texas Pete, Taco Bell Fire
My forehead sweaty
My nose runny
Lips burning
I love the feeling of the burn

I savor your flavor and
Capture the rapture of the sensation
Every moment you’re in my mouth
I keep water at my side
Although not even H2O can stop the heat

I tried to hold back the tears
But one day I couldn’t fight it anymore
The burn, the thrill became part of me
One day it might backfire
But I like to Live Mas

The Adventures of Thalia and Friends: The Break-In

I didn’t know who or what decided the weather, but around here, when it got cold, it was cold, and I felt pity for anyone who didn’t have the option of retreating into the relative warmth of a dorm building.

Mostly, I felt bad for Polyhymnia, as her ongoing attempts to break into the building only got more desperate on days like today.  She’d spent the last hour or so attempting to climb the fire escape, and the windowsill I was sitting on gave me the perfect view. It wasn’t going well.

“She still at it?” Calliope asked. She had given up on watching  Polyhymnia fall and was now digging through the accumulated food in the small room. Why the humans piled up perfectly good food with random stuff and locked it all up in a small room was beyond my understanding, but I appreciated the ease of access.

“Yep. She’s trying to use a little tree to lean over onto the metal platform. It’s not really working,” I said.

“Poor Polly,” Calliope said. “I wish there was a way we could help her out.”

“How? She can’t fit through the holes we use to get in and out,” I said. I like Calliope, but sometimes I think she’s a little too nice for her own good. Maybe it’s a mouse thing?

“I know, Tals, but what if we could get the humans to open a door for her? Or maybe prop one open!” Calliope said. I sighed.

“Cali, I love you, but that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard,” I said. “You know how the humans get when they spot us, we’d never pull something like that off. And even if we did, they’d spot Polly in an instant. What if she got hurt?”

Calliope sighed. “I know, but I hate seeing her struggle like this.”

Just as she spoke there was a crash outside, followed by a human screaming. I looked back out the window to see that the little tree Polyhymnia had been using had been uprooted, and had crashed into the building. There was now a human screaming and pointing at Polyhymnia while another human chased her away with a broom.

“I think she’s giving up now,” I said, watching her walk off.

“We should bring her something to cheer her up,” Calliope said. “I think I smell some pizza in here. The humans never try to stop us when we drag that around.”

“Sure, let’s do it,” I said, hopping down from the window to help Calliope look.

The Adventures of Thalia and Friends: The Starbucks Run

The upside of living on a college campus is that students tend to leave food everywhere. Sometimes they’ll even just give you food, if you do something funny for them.

The downside though is that they never give you the food you want. Ask for the hot dog, and you get part of the bun. Just one piece of pepperoni? They’ll give you a glob of cheese. Trying to get some of that divine smelling chicken? Hope you like pickles, cause that’s probably what you’ll get instead!

Personally, I don’t like trying to get food from humans. It’s a lot of effort for very little reward, and I always run the risk of being met with screams when I let them see me. Also, it only works outside (students hate finding a rat in the dorm rooms,  found that one out the hard way).

Calliope, however, loves getting humans to give up food, and as I am her best friend, she drags me out with her occasionally, and since today was the first time in months it had been warm enough for students to actually go outside, we left the relative comfort of the dorm room to make the journey to the campus Starbucks.

Calliope bounded up to the patio to beg for scraps, immediately getting a reaction from the humans. I decided to hang back, since Calliope was way better at this sort of thing.

“Awww, what a cute little mouse!”

“Ew! Rebecca, it probably has rabies!”

“Oh, don’t be mean, Kaitlyn. I’ll bet she’s just hungry.” The human was already pulling at whatever food item she had on the table. “Are you hungry, cutie?”

“Yes! Very! Give me your food, human!”

“Just listen to those happy squeaks!” The human cooed again and then tossed down some kind of bread. “There you go! Enjoy!”

Calliope grabbed the bread and returned to the bush I was hiding under. “Check it out, Thalia! It’s got something really yummy smelling on it!”

The bread did smell good, but it was still only bread. “Great work, Calliope!”

“Are you gonna try and get something, Tals?”

“I’m not sure they’d give me anything,” I said.

“So steal it.”

Calliope squeaked and practically jumped ten inches into the air at the unexpected voice, but I’d seen our new companion approaching from around the side of the building.

“Hey Polyhymnia,” I said, giving the raccoon my best smile.

“Polly! You scared me!” Calliope said, recovering from her fright. “And what do you mean steal?”

Polyhymnia grinned, letting her mischievous nature shine through. “Watch and learn, Cali.”

Polyhymnia crept towards the patio, keeping out of sight whenever she could.  She was only a few feet away from the humans Calliope had begged from when she pounced, hissing and baring her teeth.

The humans screamed, dropped their food and drinks, and then ran away. “This is why you don’t feed wild animals, Rebecca!”

Polyhymnia dragged her bounty off the patio, and Calliope and I rushed to help her.

“Woah! You got so much food!” Calliope said, investigating a sweet smelling bread.

“Not just food!” Polyhymnia said, nosing at the cups. “This human drink is amazing! And these ones are cold, so no burns!”

“What is it though?” I sniffed at the white drink; it smelled sweet.

“I dunno. But you should try it!” Polyhymnia said, trying to pry the lid off of the cup she’d grabbed. The liquid in her cup was brown. I slipped my head into the opening at the top of my cup, and gave the mysterious drink a taste.

“Holy—”


“Ian! Check out that crazy rat!” Kyle pointed towards the edge of the patio, where a rat was going nuts after having gotten into someone’s coffee.

“Dude! We gotta get that on film; we can put it on Tik Tok!” Kyle said, already pulling out his phone. “You go, coffee rat!”

 

Five of the funniest TV series on Netflix Instant

 

All of the Arrested Development seasons are on Netflix. Graphic from Industrial Color
All of the Arrested Development seasons are on Netflix. Graphic from Industrial Color

There are two things in this world that are absolutely amazing: binging on Netflix and choking on tears of laughter. Thankfully, with Netflix’s abundant array of hilarious shows, you can do both the time. Now we’ve all seen the classics such as “How I Met Your Mother”, but here are a few shows that surprisingly few people have seen, but are laugh-out-loud hilarious.

1) “The League”

“The League” is about a group of friends who are in a fantasy football league together. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but the show revolves more around the characters’ hilarious antics than football. Word to the wise, this show is not one to watch with the parents.

2) “Arrested Development”

When the wealthy Bluth family finds themselves facing legal actions due to bad business practices, their estranged son, Michael, and his son, George Michael, return home to help their family. The show is crazy and delightfully awkward and will leave you in stitches. Starring big name stars such as Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Michael Cera it’s no wonder that this show has become a cult classic.

3) “Blue Mountain State”

College football? Insane parties? Boatloads of booze? What more could you want in this extremely raunchy comedy? “Blue Mountain State”, known to fans as simply “BMS” follows the lives of college football players and their booze ridden, drug filled misadventures. While the show is very funny and must see for all college students, this is another example of a show NOT to watch with your parents.

4) “Psych”

With the abundance of crime shows nowadays, it baffles me how many people have yet to watch “Psych”. The laugh-out-loud comedy follows Shawn Spencer, a man with super observation skills, who fakes being psychic in order to help the local police solve cases in the area. The show has crime, mystery, hilarious jokes, and romance. It’s the ultimate package.

5) “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”

This Netflix original is extremely quirky, but also very funny. It revolves around a woman who was kidnapped as a teenager and kept in a bunker with three other women by a crazy pastor for over a decade. After being rescued, she moves to New York City to start her life over, but due to being held captive for so long, she is stuck in her teenage mentality and completely disconnected from the real world. Created by the remarkable Tina Fey, this show will not disappoint.

Be prepared to laugh, be prepared to binge-watch.

 

Movies and shows to feed your Netflix addiction

netflix logoLet’s all face it, although Netflix is one of the best things to ever grace our laptop screens, it can be a real headache to scroll through the hundreds of options to decide what to watch every night. Well pop some popcorn and get comfy because I’ve narrowed down your options to make choosing the right movie much easier.

To help you out even more, for each movie I’ll be rating it’s “Gore Factor” (so you don’t pick the wrong movie to watch while eating dinner), it’s “Laugh Factor”, and it’s level of sexual content. Each of these are on an easy scale of 1-10, 1 being minimal gore, laughs, or sex and 10 being absolutely disgusting, absolutely hilarious, or “absolutely don’t watch this with your mom!”

1) Hercules (2014):
-Gore Factor: 6
-Laugh Factor: 3
-Sexual Content: 1

Although the Disney classic is amazing and you should totally be watching it about once a year, this version features the beloved legend of Hercules, but with a ton of twists and turns. It has the whole package- action, some genuinely funny moments, and Greek mythology. What more could you want?

2) The Wolf of Wall Street
-Gore Factor: 1
-Laugh Factor: 7
-Sexual Content: 10

I realize that this is a fairly universally loved movie, but I’m hoping to reach those of you who, like me, have avoided watching this movie believing it to be some boring business drama. Last year, I finally got bored enough that I decided to give “The Wolf of Wall Street” a chance and I realized that I have never been so wrong to judge a movie by it’s trailer. “The Wolf of Wall Street” is more of a smart comedy in my opinion than anything. It will honestly make you mad that Leonard Dicaprio has yet to win an Oscar because it’s that good. Seriously, this movie will make you laugh, cry, and hate the 1% even more than you already did.

3) The Skeleton Twins
-Gore Factor: 1
-Laugh Factor: 3
-Sexual Content: 5

“The Skeleton Twins” is an independent movie starring the amazing and multi-talented Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, who play estranged twins brought together by a suicide attempt. While technically a “dark” comedy, this movie discusses very serious issues such as mental illness, suicide, infidelity and sexuality. Warning: don’t watch this thinking that it’s going to be hilarious just because it stars two terrific comedians. This movie is extremely dark and will make you think more than laugh. It’s truly a masterpiece, but not the kind of movie that you want to watch if you’re having a bad day and need cheering up.

4) Heathers

-Gore Factor: 2
-Laugh Factor: 6
-Sexual Content: 4

On the subject of dark comedies, if you haven’t seen “Heathers,” the 1988 cult classic starring Winona Rider and Christian Slater, then you need to cancel whatever plans you made for the night. For such a famous movie, too many people in our generation have yet to see it. For those of you who don’t know, “Heathers” is about a high school student named Veronica who somehow finds herself best friends with the three most popular (and mean) girls in school, all named Heather. When she meets the new boy in town, J.D., he offers a suggestion for solving her problems with her horrible friends- kill them. In addition to being twisted and funny, “Heathers” provides fantastically sarcastic social commentary on the minds of high-schoolers.

5) Narcos
-Gore Factor: 4
-Laugh Factor: 1
-Sexual Content: 9

This is a Netflix original series instead of a movie, but it still deserves a mention on this list. Taking place in the 80’s, “Narcos” follows the life and work of Colombian drug lord, Pablo Escobar. The series features ample amounts of sex, drugs, and crime drama. Warning: about 90% of the show is spoken in Spanish with English subtitles so if you’re unable to handle subtitles, this is not the show for you, but you’d really be missing out. Also, please use caution when watching this show as it has a tendency to make you binge-watch and lose an entire day.

Happy Netflixing!

 

 

Mindy is back, haters!

There’s a fall sitcom that all the girls are swooning over. It’s called The Mindy Project, starring Mindy Kaling (The Office). It first aired in 2012 with Kaling playing Doctor Mindy Lahiri (AKA: Doctor L), a talented OB/GYN with no filter. Working in New York City, Mindy looks to balance her career along with new romances. Her character can’t seem to edit her conversation at any point and while it’s hilarious, it complicates things like crazy. She wants the perfect life, the perfect body, and the perfect boyfriend. Perfect never comes easy though!

Mindy rides her bike. Graphic from Veeoz
Mindy rides her bike. Graphic from Veeoz

Our heroine goes on a journey, complete with guest stars like James Franco, to find “the one.” The series began by showing us a version of Mindy that has turned romantic movies into something resembling a new religion. She looks disheveled in the first scene, cries, and rides her bicycle right into a swimming pool.

Mindy tends to bring all sorts of ridiculous and hilarious drama upon herself during her adventures. Not only that, but she must also keep her fellow coworkers in check. By her side are two other doctors: Daniel (Danny) Castellano and Jeremy Reed. In the beginning, Mindy is tempted by Jeremy even though he definitely spells trouble. On the other hand, she’s trying to keep herself from strangling Danny. Danny and Mindy constantly argue and bicker about every decision in the practice, due to their opposite personalities. On top of that, she must battle with outside forces, like the midwives that share a building with them.

The show is essentially a more realistic version of a romantic comedy film, turned into a television show. It has currently begun its third season on FOX and hit the ground running with its new and outrageous episode, featuring a guest star from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Kaling has reprised her role this fall as the fun-loving Katy Perry fan who doesn’t care about the haters.

The series continues to follow Mindy as she struggles in a new relationship at the start of the season. Mindy dreams big and wants her prince charming, her diamond tiara, and a giant piece of chocolate cake all at once.  Through the character’s ambitious goals, the audience laughs with this in-your-face lovable character as she falls in and out of love and makes her way in the Big Apple.

Political correctness revisited

I know I’ve done a topic about political correctness before, but it’s an issue that bothers me like nothing else. If you haven’t guessed that I’m a hardcore liberal, then allow me to clear the air. I am probably one of the most liberal people on campus.

Why is that relevant? It matters because this is one of the few topics in which I deviate from partisan lines. The political correctness movement needs to take a few steps back, and fast. Continue reading Political correctness revisited

Radcentric: James Bristow: Actor, director, theatre connoisseur

James Bristow comes onto Radcentric to talk about some of his upcoming shows. Bristow is directing a one act called “Present Tense” as part of the directing two class’s students’ show “Making a Scene: An Evening of One Acts” which is set to go up May 1-4. There are seven shows that are broken up into two sections across the four day span. He is also acting in the main stage production of “Major Barbara”, April 18-21, where he acts with an insane cockney accent. And yes, he does give a taste of what that will sound like.Radcentric Continue reading Radcentric: James Bristow: Actor, director, theatre connoisseur

Weekly Time Wasters: Crisps and the Obama phone

Welcome to another installment of the column that I know all of you wait around with bated breath all week for, the Weekly Time Wasters! I have nothing to say here but my editor insisted I have an introduction. I don’t mind as I now have a chance to talk to all you lovely people. So how was your day? Good? Mine too. Now that that’s over, let’s get into the good stuff and waste some time. If you like what you see leave a comment and let me know. If you stumble across something elsewhere that’s so funny that you have no choice but to share it with the world, put it in the comments. There’s a good chance it could make it into next weeks Time Waster. And now, an enjoyable 15 minutes that you will never get back. Continue reading Weekly Time Wasters: Crisps and the Obama phone

The beginning of the end of “Community”

I want everyone to sit back, look around and remember where they are because we may be living in the last few months of one of the greatest cult shows of all time.

“Community” returned on Feb. 7 much to the joy of its small fan base, and the producers and show runners are making one last attempt to find an audience for their weirdtastic show. Continue reading The beginning of the end of “Community”

Top ten things every comedy nerd should watch

We’re living in a new world when it comes to comedy. With new technologies, people can discover up-and-coming comedians through their videos on YouTube and now many comedians have their own podcasts. However, when it comes to mainstream success we still have to settle for what the TV networks are giving us. With so few great and innovative programs out there, a strong following is really important. So here is the list of the ten most underrated and under-appreciated people, TV shows and podcasts that every comedy fan should watch. Continue reading Top ten things every comedy nerd should watch

How to be a single lady on Valentine’s Day

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Chocolate: one way to a woman’s heart. Photo from Creative Commons.

We’ve all been single on Valentine’s Day at one point, and it can be depressing if you don’t celebrate it the right way. Here are some tips for making a usually gloomy holiday into one you can enjoy and remember. Continue reading How to be a single lady on Valentine’s Day

Shakespeare’s Facebook Status

Shakespeare sitting at a computer. Image from Tri-County College.
Shakespeare sitting at a computer. Image from Tri-County College.

‘Tis better to have loved than lost (they say)
Than never to have loved at all
With nothing ventured, nothing gained
But death therein the fall
So too, like winter, this shall pass
the frost of heartache to thaw
Like all on earth; not meant to last
Leaving memory to live on
By wish, by want, what spell you cast
That I never be your own
O cursed knife which pierced my heart
and turned it into stone
I loved you once, I love you still
Though ’twas never meant to be
But worst of all, the salt in wound
you freaking friend-zoned me.

Rob O’Reilly: Good show, bad room

Comedian Rob O’Reilly was able to grace our campus and perform an hour of comedy. His act was very funny, but unfortunately went unappreciated due to the circumstances. Sadly, he was placed inside the Bonnie stage. It’s not the worst place for comedy, but it has to be done in a specific way. Because people are constantly going in and out of the Bonnie, there is a lot of background noise that is hard to overcome. Also, there are people that sit around the stage that are not there for comedy night. I’m referring to the girl who was on her laptop and her friends who were texting the whole time. No comedian can do well in that setting. Stand-up comedy truly only works in situations where people can actually pay attention. Who would guess? If the organizers really want the Bonnie to be the place to perform (which is understandable seeing how smaller names will get a smaller crowd) then set up performances after the Bonnie closes. Other than that, get a better venue for them. Continue reading Rob O’Reilly: Good show, bad room

Controversial comedy and a feminist fiasco

Comedian Daniel Tosh, host of Comedy Central’s “Tosh.0″, became the center of a social media blowout this summer. Tosh was performing standup at The Laugh Factory, when he greatly offended a female attendee. Chaos ensued after Daniel Tosh made a rape joke allegedly targeting this member of the audience. Continue reading Controversial comedy and a feminist fiasco

“Louie”: A new era of sitcoms

Louie Louie Louie Louie. Louis CK is becoming a household name and an absolute titan of comedy. Not only does he have multiple revered comedy specials, including his 2011 Grammy winning album Hilarious, but he is also the writer, director, actor, editor and essentially the everything to his hit show “Louie,” which just won an Emmy for outstanding writing for a comedy series. Now in its third season, “Louie” is a dark comedy with surreal humor, mixed with very realistic, observational comedy. Continue reading “Louie”: A new era of sitcoms