Tag Archives: Dating

“How Will You Get to Know Someone If You’re Not Allowed to Date?”

If I were to charge $10 for each time somebody asked me that question, you’d probably see me featured under a headline that reads Success Stories of the Century. I always wonder to myself– how can you NOT get to know someone without dating them? Is it really that complicated?

What is dating? And why do I even speak of it as a Muslim woman?

If you lack the company of diverse friends in your life, you probably also paint arranged marriages badly and see me as the least credible to speak on this matter. But, yes, a percent of us does look further than the whole arranged situation; though nothing is wrong with that.

Religion may have nothing to do with you receiving this question, no; you’re probably just not into the whole dating scene. Or maybe you did try to date in the past, and you’re too hesitant to put in that kind of time and energy figuring the person out only to call it off for not working out.

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“There are so many ways to get to know somebody without actually dating them.”

Caroline Zelonka, a freelance writer, exemplifies this best:

I met most of my partners at work. Typically, the relationship would start as a work friendship, segue into a platonic out-of-work friendship, then blossom into a romantic attraction.

It’s really an ideal way to start things. In my opinion, one often shows their best self at work. Your brains and resourcefulness take the lead. I suppose your physical attributes are also showing, but I have had much better results when I had a chance to “wow” the guy with my personality rather than rely on my looks or charm in the artificial situation of a date.

Being “friend-zoned” isn’t always a bad thing, nor do I think it’s even real to be completely honest with you. There are so many ways to get to know somebody without actually dating them, and my favorite approach would be friendship. I feel like relationships which begin on the basis of that sort of understanding—as friends have it—last longer compared to those that jump straight into one . . . but that’s just my opinion.

Being a single hopeless romantic

I’ve always been a huge hopeless romantic. I get butterflies in my stomach when I watch romantic comedies and dream of the day I look out my window and see the man of my dreams holding a boombox over his head, or the day when I wake up married for the first time to someone who’s my best friend.

Maybe I have a terribly unrealistic idea of what romance and true love are supposed to be like. Every relationship I’ve ever been in has had moments that Nicolas Sparks couldn’t even write up, but they definitely don’t fit into that perfect romance novel.

Someone like me, who dreams of romance and the idea of spoiling and being spoiled by someone I love, you’d think that romance would be my specialty. However, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’m actually terrible at relationships, or at least at getting them started and off the ground. Sometimes when I’m attracted to someone, I have a difficult time gauging their intentions. As a result, some guys are scared off by me because I’m more committal than they’re ready for.

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“In the mean time, she’s going to have to be patient because being single doesn’t mean my life is on hold while I search for Mr. Right.”

I’ve been single for about a year now, and it’s been weird. I still miss having someone to text me in the morning and wish me a good day, I miss fun adventures and spontaneous kisses and affection in general. I miss having someone who knows me better than anyone and who I share my dreams and deepest, darkest secrets with. Relationships can be so fun and rewarding when they’re happy and healthy.

However, my inner hopeless romantic is still somewhere deep in me with flowers in her hand patiently waiting for someone else’s inner hopeless romantic to stop by and fulfill all she’s dreamed of. In the mean time, she’s going to have to be patient because being single doesn’t mean my life is on hold while I search for Mr. Right.

When you’re a single hopeless romantic it can be frustrating trying to date and shop around to find someone who fits you. From my experience, going out and actively looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right never works and it can affect the rest of your life. Being in a relationship isn’t the most important thing, even when that inner hopeless romantic is screaming for love and affection. The one great thing about being single is that you have a lot of extra time on your hands. If you’re fresh out of a relationship, it can feel odd not spending your time texting or communicating with your significant other. This may be depressing initially but once you start filling that time with things that make you happy, such as exercise or creating something amazing, you’ll fill the hole left by your ex-lover in no time.

I’ve found that many times, great relationships come when you least expect them. So rather than picking petals off of daisies and waiting around for someone who fits you, work on yourself. Flowers bloom when you water them, so keep taking care of yourself and enjoy the blossoms that come out of it. If someone happens to like them, they’ll come to you. If someone comes along and wants to change your blossoms, have enough strength and confidence to not change your “flowers” for someone else, or else you’ll never be happy with yourself or your relationships.

Fair-weather friends

Everyone has that friend that only talks to you when they need something. You know the kind. That one person who only texts you once in a blue moon, when they need homework or advice. They only call you up when they’ve broken up with their boyfriend and need a shoulder to cry on.

Don’t you hate being that friend? Don’t you hate having a one-sided friendship and being the doormat within a relationship you can’t help but care about? Whether you like it or not, it’s a toxic relationship and you need to find a way to distance yourself from that friend if not cut them out of your life completely.

Toxic friendships can really take a toll on all portions of your life. Your school work can be affected because you’re constantly checking your phone to see if they text you back, making it hard to focus and successfully finish an assignment. Your other relationships can be affected because you’re always complaining about them and annoying your other friends who just want to hang out with you.

They’re creating drama in your life even when they’re not there. They make you feel like you’re not good enough and make you question the validity of your other relationships.

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“Everyone has that friend that only talks to you when they need something. You know the kind. That one person who only texts you once in a blue moon, when they need homework or advice.”

The friendship is only one-sided. They are never there for you when you are going through tough times. Even if you text them multiple times and you know they’ve read them, you convince yourself that they’re just busy and your problems aren’t that big of a deal anyway.

This relationship isn’t fair to you.

In any relationship, whether it be friendship or dating, you should never feel like your problems or your feelings aren’t valid. That is a huge red flag that should be taken seriously. You deserve to feel like an equal in the relationship, like the other person cares about you just as much as you care about them.

I know you care about them so much. Maybe you’ve been friends since you were little and the friendship has always been a big part of your life, but you need to realize that people do change.

Obviously, the person you thought they were doesn’t exist anymore and they don’t value your friendship as much as you do. If your “friend” is only your friend when they need something from you, whatever that may be, they aren’t truly your friend and you need to see that.

You deserve better and the second you figure that out, the happier you will be.

Knowing a writer is a unique experience

People who read get a lot of credit as deep thinkers whose intelligence is unparalleled. They visit and visualize worlds inside their minds simply by looking at words and absorbing the information in front of them. There’s something beautiful about a person who can sit in complete silence and ponder the meaning of and visualize a world outside their own, or feel the feelings a first-person narrator describes. However, has anyone ever thought about the beauty in the person who can create those worlds?

Sure, authors make a lot of money for popular books, but in daily life and in movies, people who read are always these mysterious, deep characters with big hearts. No, this isn’t some ploy to get my friends here at Whim laid (sorry, guys). I think people who prefer to read and those who prefer writing are kindred spirits, but us writers deserve more credit than we get.

I think there’s something to be said about those who can observe things around them and use words to touch the souls of an audience. Reporters get a lot of negative coverage these days . Sometimes journalists are accused of being nosy and overbearing. Recently, Brian Williams was suspended for exaggerating details of his coverage of the war in Iraq.

It’s disappointing, as a student of journalism, to see someone who so many look to for news abuse his position. It also makes me worry that this incident will increase the distrust that many have towards media. But for those who approach their job honestly and creatively, there’s a world inside their mind which holds immense beauty.

In one of my classes, my professor stressed how the use of words and language in general can paint many different pictures. News stories that would be bland from one perspective can be deep and thought-provoking in another. It takes a lot of skill to write something that will truly stick in the reader’s or viewer’s mind.

If you come across the opportunity to befriend, date or simply know a writer, do it. We see things in many different perspectives because we have to. Being a good writer means being able to comprehend that your perspective isn’t the only one possible. Good writers have empathy and a desire to understand the feelings of others so that we can project them in our writing. Whether someone’s a creative writer, a news writer or someone who simply writes in a journal, there’s something beautiful and sane about someone who can take feelings and put them into words.

Acting crazy doesn’t make you a better girlfriend

I recently saw a tweet that made me facepalm myself. A fellow female tweeted, “I’m sorry, but if your girlfriend doesn’t act absolutely insane toward you sometimes, she doesn’t love you.” Girls, this article’s for you. Guys, you can thank me later.

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“I know girls can act super crazy sometimes. I get super hormonal and emotional and even insecure from time to time.” Photo of: Selena Ruiz and Kevin Gray. Photo by: Danielle Johnson.

I know girls can act super crazy sometimes. I get super hormonal and emotional and even insecure from time to time. I know sometimes it can affect my significant other and make him want to rip his hair out, but I always make sure to apologize. But being crazy consistently in a relationship isn’t healthy and doesn’t prove you’re a more loving girlfriend. Being absolutely insane toward your partner will eventually push them away.

In my experience in relationships, I’ve found the best ones were the ones where I put my trust issues to the side and let myself trust someone. I’ve never felt the need to look through my partners phone or read their social media messages. However, I’ve had a very hard time trusting my significant other due to past experiences with people who weren’t so trust-worthy. If your partner does something that you’re uncomfortable with, confront them and take care of the issue like an adult. Don’t let it build up inside you and explode because most likely it won’t come out right.

I can’t imagine feeling so insecure in a relationship that I had to be constantly keeping tabs on my partner to feel like I could trust them. I know of several of my friends, mostly girls, who have asked to see their boyfriend’s phones and go through all of their texts and photos. I really don’t understand why anyone would continue a relationship where their partner didn’t make them feel secure. On the flip side of that, I can’t imagine why someone would want to stay with someone who was constantly keeping tabs on them. It’s not healthy.

The best relationships I’ve found are the ones where both people just let each other live their lives. One of my friends’ parents, for example, are one of the closest couples I’ve ever met. They’re more like best friends than husband and wife. However, they aren’t constantly keeping up with each other. When the husband leaves the house, he doesn’t feel the need to tell his wife where he’s going because she’s busy doing her own thing, and he’s usually just running errands or working.

Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and respect for each other. I’ve been lucky in my current relationship because I’ve never really felt like I couldn’t trust him. My boyfriend just moved across country to Colorado and although we text each other sporadically and call each other now and then, we aren’t constantly keeping up with each other. It’s nice to be able to shoot a text his way and talk a little bit, but it’s even better when we can call each other and have a lot to say because we aren’t constantly butting into each others business. Even from thousands of miles away, I feel secure in our relationship. I don’t need to worry that he’s giving someone else attention, because there’s no need to.

It can be really hard to feel secure if you’ve been with someone who’s given you a reason not to trust them. But until your current partner gives you a reason not to trust them, don’t act crazy and ask to see his or her phone and try to keep tabs on him. In the long run, it will make your partner appreciate you so much more and make you both happier.

Highlanders Anonymous: Romance! Also gay bars!

I’m a gay guy who has a boyfriend on campus. We’ve only been together for a few months. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me, but he does things that he can use to show he does. He just doesn’t say anything, or try nearly as hard as I do in our relationship. Am I being crazy?

Well, that depends. Continue reading Highlanders Anonymous: Romance! Also gay bars!

Double standards you’re probably guilty of

Ever get sick of hearing the words “double standards?” It’s okay for a guy to hang out with his girl friend, but don’t you girls dare think of another guy. You fall asleep on a boy while texting and get chewed out, yet you don’t get a response for hours because he was playing GTA V or COD with his ‘bros.’

Continue reading Double standards you’re probably guilty of