Tag Archives: expectations

Like Nihilism, but Less Depressing

depressed
“I find a sort of comfort in the idea of a chaotic, unknowable cosmos.” Photo from: http://academyofideas.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/nietzsche-caspar-david-friedrich-468×375.jpg

When I was younger, it terrified me
To look at the universe as some brutal, uncaring thing.
I expected it to be organized and meaningful
Like all the little quirks
Mom expected me to grow out of.
(Neither I nor the universe
Ever lived up to expectations.)

I don’t worry over fate quite so much, anymore.
Now I find a sort of comfort
In the idea of a chaotic, unknowable cosmos.
It’s like realizing
That the prison walls are cardboard,
That the steel bars can crumble in my grasp.

Maybe there is some unseen structure to it all,
But maybe there isn’t.
Maybe it doesn’t matter—
At least, not the way I thought it did.

What does high school really do for you?

I have a question for all of the education professionals out there. How do you expect college freshman to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives when just the year before we had to ask to go to the bathroom?6357810555512717162144190349_getting a job

We’re expected to know exactly what we want to major in, what classes we need to take or interest us, where we need to live, decide if we can get a job while going to classes, and the list goes on and on.

We’re thrown out on our own with no help, when months before we had ask our parents or teachers to do anything. Tell me what’s wrong with this situation. What kind of society keeps its children under lock and key and then expects them to be able to function in the “real world?”

When I was in high school, I had to ask permission from my teachers to go anywhere and to do anything. If I had to go to the bathroom, I had to raise my hand and awkwardly ask in front of the entire class if I could be excused to pee. If I needed to go to the nurse for a tampon, I had to ask and then be forced to tell the teacher why I needed to go. I had to have a hall pass every time I left the classroom just in case I was “going where I shouldn’t be.”

Every move I made was approved or rejected by a teacher. When I wasn’t in school, my parents told me whether or not I was allowed to go out with my friends or how I should be “using my time wisely.”

Now that I’m in college, I’m expected to know when and where I’m suppose to go,  and how I should handle events that use to be controlled for me. I had to go through the awkward experience of raising my hand and asking to go to the bathroom and being looked at by my teacher like I was a child, unable to make decisions on my own when, in fact, that is exactly how my life was before college.

College professors assume I should be able to know what I want in life and what I want to be, but how is that realistically expected when all of my choices and decisions were made for me up until this point? Professors state all the time how “high school should have prepared you for this” but in reality, high school didn’t prepare me for anything.

If you feel like college is overwhelming and you don’t know what you’re doing have the time, don’t worry. You’re not alone. As everyone who has ever lived has said, “It gets better.” I’m still waiting for the time where high school will come in handy, but until that day, do your best and hope you’ll find somebody who can show you the way.