Tag Archives: friendship

Dealing with Death: A Reflection

After losing someone our minds go into overdrive, analyzing every moment ever spent with them, grieving over the bad times, and cherishing the great memories. It seems hard not to blow things out of proportion. If only you had one more day, one more moment, one more chance to say the things you should have always said—knowing that you could’ve been there more than you were is a feeling that could haunt someone for the rest of their lives.

Nothing feels right after suddenly losing someone—wondering if there was something you could’ve done, going through the motions of a normal day, knowing that someone is gone. Having that unavoidable pit feeling in your stomach… no amount of talking or crying can make this feeling go away.

On October 4, 2015, K.j. Bettner was taken from his friends and family too soon. K.j. was someone who was known for his bigger-than-life smile, making this loss even more tragic. Never in my life did I imagine that I would be sitting here trying to write an article about losing K.j., but two years later, here I am.

“K.j. was someone who was known for his bigger-than-life smile…” – Photo from Annie Schroeder

I can remember the day of his service like it was yesterday, with friends and family gathered in front of the church in the middle of our hometown. It was a hot and sunny Sunday in October. Our close friends were piled into hard wooden church pews and sat in silence for a long time, thinking of the right thing to say to one another. It was during this service that reality hit: we were not invincible. I remember how hot the sun felt coming in through the glass stained windows on our tear-soaked cheeks, and the looks that the adults were giving us, thinking that we were all too young to be experiencing something like this.

Two years later, my friends and I have all learned a lot about ourselves. I think many people deal with death by wanting to be alone, but every year when October 4th rolls around I can’t help but to want to be back in my hometown, surrounded by the world that K.j. knew and loved.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Every year around the anniversary of his death, we all try to come together and talk about memories spent with our dear friend. This might be the only time of the year we get to see some of our friends, with our crazy college schedules. Sometimes it gets pretty emotional, and sometimes it’s just relieving to be surrounded by people who know exactly what you’re going through. The only silver lining to this story is the bond that has been created in grieving the death of our lost friend.

Make sure that you reach out to friends you haven’t spoken to in a while. Pay attention to people when they speak. Always take the chance to see an old friend when you can. Tie up loose ends and resolve any conflicts. Take the time to reflect on who you are.

When a friend passes, take a piece of how they lived and turn it into your own. Keep a support system that couldn’t be beat, and truly enjoy each day on this earth as if it is your last.

 

In loving memory of Kevin John Bettner. October 19, 1995 – October 4, 2015

“How Will You Get to Know Someone If You’re Not Allowed to Date?”

If I were to charge $10 for each time somebody asked me that question, you’d probably see me featured under a headline that reads Success Stories of the Century. I always wonder to myself– how can you NOT get to know someone without dating them? Is it really that complicated?

What is dating? And why do I even speak of it as a Muslim woman?

If you lack the company of diverse friends in your life, you probably also paint arranged marriages badly and see me as the least credible to speak on this matter. But, yes, a percent of us does look further than the whole arranged situation; though nothing is wrong with that.

Religion may have nothing to do with you receiving this question, no; you’re probably just not into the whole dating scene. Or maybe you did try to date in the past, and you’re too hesitant to put in that kind of time and energy figuring the person out only to call it off for not working out.

friends
“There are so many ways to get to know somebody without actually dating them.”

Caroline Zelonka, a freelance writer, exemplifies this best:

I met most of my partners at work. Typically, the relationship would start as a work friendship, segue into a platonic out-of-work friendship, then blossom into a romantic attraction.

It’s really an ideal way to start things. In my opinion, one often shows their best self at work. Your brains and resourcefulness take the lead. I suppose your physical attributes are also showing, but I have had much better results when I had a chance to “wow” the guy with my personality rather than rely on my looks or charm in the artificial situation of a date.

Being “friend-zoned” isn’t always a bad thing, nor do I think it’s even real to be completely honest with you. There are so many ways to get to know somebody without actually dating them, and my favorite approach would be friendship. I feel like relationships which begin on the basis of that sort of understanding—as friends have it—last longer compared to those that jump straight into one . . . but that’s just my opinion.

Fair-weather friends

Everyone has that friend that only talks to you when they need something. You know the kind. That one person who only texts you once in a blue moon, when they need homework or advice. They only call you up when they’ve broken up with their boyfriend and need a shoulder to cry on.

Don’t you hate being that friend? Don’t you hate having a one-sided friendship and being the doormat within a relationship you can’t help but care about? Whether you like it or not, it’s a toxic relationship and you need to find a way to distance yourself from that friend if not cut them out of your life completely.

Toxic friendships can really take a toll on all portions of your life. Your school work can be affected because you’re constantly checking your phone to see if they text you back, making it hard to focus and successfully finish an assignment. Your other relationships can be affected because you’re always complaining about them and annoying your other friends who just want to hang out with you.

They’re creating drama in your life even when they’re not there. They make you feel like you’re not good enough and make you question the validity of your other relationships.

toxic friends
“Everyone has that friend that only talks to you when they need something. You know the kind. That one person who only texts you once in a blue moon, when they need homework or advice.”

The friendship is only one-sided. They are never there for you when you are going through tough times. Even if you text them multiple times and you know they’ve read them, you convince yourself that they’re just busy and your problems aren’t that big of a deal anyway.

This relationship isn’t fair to you.

In any relationship, whether it be friendship or dating, you should never feel like your problems or your feelings aren’t valid. That is a huge red flag that should be taken seriously. You deserve to feel like an equal in the relationship, like the other person cares about you just as much as you care about them.

I know you care about them so much. Maybe you’ve been friends since you were little and the friendship has always been a big part of your life, but you need to realize that people do change.

Obviously, the person you thought they were doesn’t exist anymore and they don’t value your friendship as much as you do. If your “friend” is only your friend when they need something from you, whatever that may be, they aren’t truly your friend and you need to see that.

You deserve better and the second you figure that out, the happier you will be.

Highlanders Anonymous: Aches and pains

“Why does my back always hurt?”

Sometimes your back aches because of bad posture. This can be caused by slouching during the day and while you walk. That same pain can be caused by the positions you sleep in each night. Back pain is basically inevitable, if you want to deal with it, here are some quick tips:

  1. Be more mindful of your posture when you walk and sit.
  2. Do some research and find back stretches that can relieve your pain.
  3. When doing any heavy lifting, lift from your knees, not your back.
  4. Make sure to sleep in positions that do not put weight and stress on your spine.

“One of my friends keeps posting things on my Facebook through my own account when I leave my phone on the table. It really drives me crazy! How can I get them to stop?”

If it’s a true friend, they’ll respect your wishes for them to stop if you simply ask. If you’re still getting to know them, or don’t want to confront them, don’t leave your phone lying around. That’s probably good advice for any time. Our phones have lots of sensitive information on them, like your bank passwords, email passwords, and often private conversations between you and others via social media, just like Facebook.

“My feet hurt a lot after work! How can I make it easier on my feet?”

In active jobs like waitressing or even retail, you are often running around to get things done or standing for hours upon hours each workday. To soothe your feet after a long day, I’d suggest a foot rub and a soak in the tub. If these options aren’t enough, I’d suggest getting insoles from a local pharmacy or Walmart.

High heels can also crush your toes and cause blisters and aches in your feet. The shoe you choose to wear will also determine the shape of your feet at the end of the day! Standing in one place for long periods of time can also cause back and feet aches. If you are able to find time to stretch sometime during your work, that can go a long way. You could even try doing it during your break.

 

“Family Guy” kills off Brian

You can’t always laugh. “Family Guy,” the hit animated comedy on FOX, dealt with a serious fact of life earlier this season: the death of a family dog. Earlier this season, the Griffin family lost Brian, their Prius driving, outspoken liberal dog. Brian has been a hallmark character for the show since its inception in 1999, often spewing lines like, “Whose leg do I have to hump to get a martini around here?” He was the counterweight to FOX’s conservative agenda, having his liberal ideas prove to be his very own downfall. Continue reading “Family Guy” kills off Brian

Greek life is awesome, and here’s why

Strutting letters, being popular and attending numerous parties are the things people tend to think about when the words “frat” or “sorority” pop into their heads, but why?  The individuals in these organizations are being judged based on past events when in reality they bring much more to the table. Continue reading Greek life is awesome, and here’s why