Tag Archives: friendzone

“How Will You Get to Know Someone If You’re Not Allowed to Date?”

If I were to charge $10 for each time somebody asked me that question, you’d probably see me featured under a headline that reads Success Stories of the Century. I always wonder to myself– how can you NOT get to know someone without dating them? Is it really that complicated?

What is dating? And why do I even speak of it as a Muslim woman?

If you lack the company of diverse friends in your life, you probably also paint arranged marriages badly and see me as the least credible to speak on this matter. But, yes, a percent of us does look further than the whole arranged situation; though nothing is wrong with that.

Religion may have nothing to do with you receiving this question, no; you’re probably just not into the whole dating scene. Or maybe you did try to date in the past, and you’re too hesitant to put in that kind of time and energy figuring the person out only to call it off for not working out.

“There are so many ways to get to know somebody without actually dating them.”

Caroline Zelonka, a freelance writer, exemplifies this best:

I met most of my partners at work. Typically, the relationship would start as a work friendship, segue into a platonic out-of-work friendship, then blossom into a romantic attraction.

It’s really an ideal way to start things. In my opinion, one often shows their best self at work. Your brains and resourcefulness take the lead. I suppose your physical attributes are also showing, but I have had much better results when I had a chance to “wow” the guy with my personality rather than rely on my looks or charm in the artificial situation of a date.

Being “friend-zoned” isn’t always a bad thing, nor do I think it’s even real to be completely honest with you. There are so many ways to get to know somebody without actually dating them, and my favorite approach would be friendship. I feel like relationships which begin on the basis of that sort of understanding—as friends have it—last longer compared to those that jump straight into one . . . but that’s just my opinion.

The “Friend Zone” myth

We’ve all heard of it. Some of us may think we’ve been in it, or still are.

If you’ve ever been in the “Friend Zone”, you may have tried to google-search your way to a solid solution like this to escape the cage of impossibility that is the “Friend Zone”.

What is the “Friend Zone”?

The “Friend Zone” refers to an interpersonal relationship in which one member wishes to become romantically or sexually involved while the other would rather remain friends.

The concept is as follows: when you like a girl, and she doesn’t like you back, she puts you in the “Friend Zone”.

But the truth of the matter is that she didn’t put you anywhere. She just isn’t attracted to you in the way you’re attracted to her, and she wants to be friends. There’s nothing wrong with having another friend. You should be grateful that this wonderful person wants to be your friend, and dating would complicate things even more. She turned you down, and you should just get over it and enjoy your friend.

The “Friend Zone” notion, devised by men who can’t get a girlfriend, is fairly similar to the “Nice Guys Finish Last” concept. Males who have been put into the “Friend Zone” are generally seen as being “too nice”. Sure some girls may think that they also have been in the “Friend Zone”, however, most of the girls I’ve seen who were “Friend Zoned” moved on fairly quickly and understand that the person they were sexually and romantically attracted to, is “just not that into” her.

How to Escape the “Friend Zone”

“How do you motivate a friend to be “more than friends”? How do you move forward from “just friends” to girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or lover? How do you escape the friend zone?” The key word in this quote is motivate. You’re supposed to influence, persuade and encourage the person who placed you in the “Friend Zone” for a completely justifiable reason; training them like a dog.

The concept of the “Friend Zone” is completely misogynistic. Assuming that you deserve a sexual or romantic reward for all your “nice gestures” is ridiculous and archaic. There’s an underlying feeling of entitlement to sex or a relationship for those who feel as if they’re in the “Friend Zone”. Grow up, move on and learn how to treat people as they are, you know, people.

Friendzoning should not be a thing. Graphic from Pinterest