Tag Archives: Gay

Is it cheating?

When it comes to relationships, everyone has a different definition of cheating. For some people, cheating strictly means having sex with someone else. For other, kissing or even just thinking about being with someone else is cheating and isn’t tolerated, a zero toleration policy. I know one couple who give each other passes, where they can do whatever they want with other people and face no consequences for it. Here are the main ways to cheat and the different viewpoints surrounding them.

  1. Is it cheating? Graphic from Sex Advice Online
    Is it cheating? Graphic from Sex Advice Online

    Is thinking about another person intimately cheating?

In many relationships, mentally cheating on someone is the same, if not worse, than physically cheating on them. Relationships are based on a mental and emotional connection and if that get severed, than the basis for one’s relationship is broken or, essentially, built on false pretenses the entire time. It would be absolutely heartbreaking to know that your relationship is a lie and the connection you thought you had with someone is not as special as you thought.

  1. Is watching porn cheating?

Some people believe that watching porn is cheating, based on the idea that watching other people have sex is connecting to the cheating mentally idea. If you’re thinking about other people sexually, going as far as masturbating to other people, then essentially you’re having sex with different people in your mind, making it cheating and devastating to your partner.

  1.  When straight girls kiss other girls while being in a relationship, is it cheating?

This is a controversial question. There are many guys who would say no to this question because they think their girlfriends kissing other girls is hot and, somewhat, not real because they aren’t gay. However, this idea is detrimental to the gay community. It’s what doesn’t stop guys from hitting on girls who say they have a girlfriend. They don’t take it seriously because they think all lesbians are kissing girls for their entertainment and that, in the end, they’ll go back to dating men.

Girls kissing other girls should be considered cheating because it is. The gender of the person who is cheating with the person in the relationship really doesn’t matter. They were unfaithful. Simple as that.

Cheating, I think, is a black and white issue. Did you kiss/have sex with someone who isn’t me? Yes? Then you cheated on me. Bye. Although I agree that some cases of cheating are more complicated than others, cheating is cheating and it should never be done, no matter the circumstances. If you’re having problems in the relationship, talk them out. If you break up, that’s okay. It’s way better the break up than to cheat on your partner. Think before your decide to cheat.

Are gays undermining the institution of marriage?

According to a study published online on Feb 26 in the journal Psychological Science, many individuals think that gay men and women are much more sexually promiscuous than heterosexual people, making those heterosexual people afraid that gay people may threaten their marriages and lifestyle.

David Pinsof and Martie Haselton, a graduate student and professor at UCLA were the authors and researchers on this study.

They discovered that those who felt threatened by gays, or more specifically, sexual promiscuity, were people who are conservatives, those who believe in strong traditional gender roles.

Pinsof and Haselton surveyed 523 men and 562 women, a percentage of which oppose same-sex marriage.

For the first half of the experiment, the volunteers underwent a testing activity, specifically designed to expose whether or not the subjects associated gay couples with words or phrases such as “promiscuous” or “one-night stand.”

The people being surveyed were also given pictures of heterosexual couples along with words like “faithful” and “loving” and they were told to match the words to the pictures they felt fit best with each word. They were instructed to press a button when they saw a gay couple or a word associated with “promiscuous”, and the same situation when it came to a gay couple or a word linked with “monogamous.” Pinsof and Haselton then measured how quickly the participants reacted to each picture or word.

As one can predict, the results found that many people tend to associate the concepts “gay” and “promiscuous” together, or having the same meaning.

Homosexuals are obviously possessed by demons, ruining your heterosexual marriages and way of life. Photo from queerty.com
Homosexuals are obviously possessed by demons, ruining your heterosexual marriages and way of life. Photo from queerty.com

 

During the second half of the experiment, participants were asked if they agreed or disagreed to statements like:

“Marriage is between a man and a woman.”

“Same-sex marriage undermines the meaning of the traditional family.”

“I oppose the legalization of same-sex marriage.”

“I support a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.”

“Same-sex couples should have the same legal rights to get married as heterosexual couples.”

The researchers discovered that agreement to certain statements like “I’m okay with having sex without love,” or “ I’ve had a one-night stand,” showed that they support same-sex marriage and have no problem with gay people.

According to Pinsof, “Those who oppose same-sex marriage do so because they are trying to protect their own marriage as well as those marriages in their community. They’re fearful that altering the definition of marriage is threatening their way of life because they view gay people as promiscuous, they view the idea of same sex marriage as undermining the institution of marriage.”

Not everything needs a label

Sexuality is a social construct. It’s an idea or theory developed strictly on what society believes should define its citizens. It’s a way for society to put people in a box, to put a label on everyone in order to keep its people in line, to keep confusion and outliers out of the picture.

Why do people need labels in the first place? Why do we feel the need to fit into a certain category in order to make other people feel more comfortable? In a society that is based on individualism, don’t you think it’s a bit odd that we feel the need to group people, whether it be in sections of gender, race, sexuality, or any other way?

It doesn't matter what your gender identity or sexuality is. We're all the same in the end.  Photo from rachelwentzbook.blogspot.com
It doesn’t matter what your gender identity or sexuality is. We’re all the same in the end.
Photo from rachelwentzbook.blogspot.com

Not only is sexuality a social construct, but it’s also fluid. Sexuality is a spectrum, varying from one side to the other, with a giant space in between. That’s not to say that a person can’t identify with a specific sexuality, but it’s much more common for an individual to fit somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, or a least a little to the left or a little to the right from each extreme. More often than not, individuals feel the need to label themselves as a specific sexuality, whether it be gay, straight, or bisexual, when in reality, they don’t fit into one definite category. Society puts a certain pressure on people, to make them conform, even when it isn’t authentic to who a person is. It’s hard to be different in a society that doesn’t accept differences in itself.

There are many other sexualities other than gay, straight, and bisexual including pansexual, demisexual, asexual, and others, and even then, certain people wouldn’t feel that those labels accurately represent how they feel.

There should be no reason, in the first place, why a person would feel the need to put themselves in a box, to stick a label on their chest and say “this is who I like to date.” Sexuality isn’t the only thing that defines a person and there’s no point in trying to define oneself in the first place. People are complicated. Let’s leave it at that.

Don’t you wish you were a lesbian?

Have you ever heard one of your straight friends say “I wish I was a lesbian. It would be so much easier!” Or “I’m so done with boys. I’m going to become a lesbian.” If you haven’t, it means you are that friend and you need to stop.

These statements are not only ridiculous but also illogical. Do you really think you can just become a lesbian if you want to? Do you think you can simply wake up one morning and be a lesbian? I hate to break it to you, but that isn’t how it works. Not only are these sayings incorrect, but they are also rude and simply ignorant.

Wouldn’t being a lesbian be easier? Graphic from someecards.com

Wouldn’t being a lesbian be easier? Graphic from someecards.com

I have one question for you. How is “becoming” a lesbian easier for you? Is it easier because of all the rejection and bullying you will receive? Or is easier because your parents could potentially kick you out or stop paying for you college?

Being gay isn’t something to do when you’re bored or when you’re mad at your boyfriend. It is who some people are and they don’t need you belittling their sexuality because your crush doesn’t text you back.

Have you ever heard someone say “That must be so nice, being a lesbian and being hot. Boys can stare at you and hit on you and you can easily turn them down by saying you’re a lesbian,” because I have.

First of all, what? Being a lesbian, the last thing I want is some drooling frat boy hitting on me or staring at me.  

Second of all, have you met a college boy? Do you really think that by me saying I’m a lesbian would stop them? Many straight guys have no respect for us gay girls. They will either ask for a threesome or say they have the “cure” for being gay which I’m sure you can connect the dots to what the “cure” is.

Third of all, if you want to turn a boy down or tell him you’re not interested, you don’t have to use the excuse of being a lesbian. Simply tell them to go away. If they don’t, go grab one of your boyfriends or walk away yourself. You don’t need to objectify someone else’s sexuality to get some gross boy away from you.

Being gay isn’t some accessory for you to wear out one night so you can avoid being hit on. It isn’t a fun game to play when you’re mad at your boyfriend or some guy hurt your feelings.

Being gay is someone else’s reality, it might not be yours, but guess what? The world doesn’t revolve around you.

 

National Coming Out Day

October 11, 2015 is National Coming Out Day. National Coming Out Day is a day to celebrate those who have come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer or for those who haven’t come out yet and need to encouragement to continue to have the strength to be who they truly are, maybe giving them enough bravery to come out on this day.

Let the rainbow out. Graphic from Stop Homophobia
Let the rainbow out. Graphic from Stop Homophobia

The LGBTQ community has experienced violence, sexual assaults, oppression, and even murder simply because they of who they are. Coming out is a huge decision that could potentially change someone’s life forever and it isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly.

Three years ago, I came out to my mom and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I remember thinking what if she kicks me out? What if she doesn’t love me anymore? What if she thinks I’m so disgusting that she can’t even look at me anymore?

I thought these things because of what was happening to gay people all over the world in the media. People were getting abused physically and sexually, kicked out of their own homes, and even murdered.

I was petrified at the thought of any of that happening to me. One of my friends came out to his parents as transgender and they kicked him out, taking away his phone, his car, and basically everything he had. He had to grow up very quickly, getting a job and finding a place to stay. 40 percent of homeless youth are part of the LGBTQ community. I thought to myself if he was turned away by his parents, completely abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him the most, how do I know my parents won’t do the same?

I realized after three years of holding in this secret, that it was tearing me apart inside, and I had to tell my mom. I felt that it was unfair of me to keep this from her, to not allow her to support me in a way that I really needed at the time.

 

“I told her as we were waiting at a stop light, just blurted it out and she laughed and told me that she already knew.”

 

She told me that she loved me and that it doesn’t change anything, and she was right. I was one of the lucky ones, to have supportive parents who didn’t care who I loved or how I loved. I’m grateful every day for the way the allow me to by myself, to talk to them about my love life and have them not feel uncomfortable or have me feel uncomfortable. Love should be unconditional and unfortunately not everyone is built or mature enough to feel the same.

Being gay is not accepted in most parts of the country, although there has been amazing progression on the topic, with gay marriage becoming legal in 37 states. There is still so much progress that needs to be done and so much acceptance that needs to occur for the LGBTQ community to truly feel normal in society. National coming out day is a day that should be celebrated but not to be taken lightly.

Come out when you want to and when you feel is safe and right for you.

The Alabaman Inquisition

Recently, there has been some immensely confusing rhetoric coming from the conservative right concerning LGBT rights. Over the past few weeks, perhaps the most high profile story to develop concerning the divisiveness concerning homosexual marriage rights comes out of Alabama. Amid the refusal of the Supreme Court to grant a temporary stay in the debate, the Chief Justice of Alabama, Roy Moore effectively instructed other judges in the state of Alabama to refuse to grant marriage licenses to LGBT couples. His recommendation/demand is in spite of the fact that the Supreme Court of the United States refuted previous Alabaman law concerning the definition of marriage as  one man and one woman: “Moore’s actions come despite the U.S. Supreme Court’s refusal to stay the federal ruling, effectively allowing same-sex couples to marry in the state for the first time on Monday” (Diamond 5).

This is a particularly confusing argument for several reasons. The most obvious reason is because in this wonderful land called America, federal law trumps state law. Regardless of what Moore and his conservative compatriots may think, the law of the land is clear on this very issue. Put simply, as stated in the Supremacy Clause in Article 6, Clause 2 of the U.S. Constitution,

“[t]his Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the constitution or laws of any state to the contrary notwithstanding,”

Marriage equality arrived in Alaska. Graphic from Washington Blade
Marriage equality arrived in Alaska. Graphic from Washington Blade

As stated by the Constitution, which is the legal framework for the entire judicial, legal, and governmental system we all belong to, the federal government always takes precedence over the whims of the state. Hilariously enough, in American history, similar debates about strong state governments have been raised before. Before America has the strong federal government it now enjoys, the founders first tried the Articles of Confederation, which was a government with a weak federal presence but a strong state presence. Keep in mind, this policy had been tried when we had only 13 states, and it failed back in the late 1700’s. Now, with 50 states, the idea that a weak federal government could sustain such a global and economic powerhouse like the U.S. is utterly preposterous. The federal government needs to be large to support the commons, such as public schools and interstate highways. Much like desegregation, Moore wants to frame LGBT rights as a “federal intrusion into state sovereignty” when in reality, the Constitution gives the federal government that very power. If the state government is pushing an ideologically driven agenda of hate and discrimination, it is the job of the federal government to step in and assert its dominance.

The other main problem with Moore’s argument is that he defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. Frankly, the notion that marriage is legally defined as anything is facetious at best, and uninformed at worst. For all of their bluster, the Constitution of The United States of America makes no mention of marriage or the definition of it at all. Constitutionally speaking, marriage is left undefined. However, according to Amendment XIV, ratified in 1868, “[n]o State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any persons of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws” (Madison 26). Make no mistake, people like Judge Moore are “personally opposed to gay marriage and steadfastly against legalizing gay marriage, [Moore is] insisting that Alabama recognizes the ‘divine’ nature of the definition of marriage.” When the remaining 13 states choose to defer on this issue, and when states and figureheads for clandestine, discriminatory factions like Chief Justice Moore decide to litigate issues like these, they invite the Supreme Court to read the Constitution as it’s meant to be read, as a document written by people, not as a holy book written by a deity. The Constitution, the Bible, the Torah, the Bhagavad Gita, and the Qur’an, along with every other sacred text, are mutually exclusive. Effectively, they’re ensuring their own defeat.

According to most religions, Christianity included,  marriage is an act between one woman and one man. Conversely, it’s just as simple to get legally married in a courthouse as it is a place of worship. Marriage is a legal covenant between two people as defined by our society. When two people get married, they may do it in a church, but when they get a divorce, they go to a judge. Marriage is a legal affair that started as religious ritual. As it has evolved along with our society, the constraints of it have changed. At one time, divorce was antithetical to Christian thought. Christians allowed (after much debate) an evolution on that thought of what defines marriage, much in the same way the (so called) definition of marriage will continue to evolve.

Only 13 states still ban gay marriage; 37 states in the Union have sided with rationality and the Constitution that no person (regardless of sexuality) should be discriminated against. There will come a point when those holdout states (it’s no surprise that 8 of those 13 states are in the South) realize that by fighting this battle, they have essentially lost. Much like the equal rights marches of the 1960’s, LBGT rights is the great civil right issue of our day; when historians write about the inevitable victories of LGBT activists, people like Chief Justice Roy Moore and his kind will realize that they were on the wrong side of this issue.

I, for one, will relish that day.

If you think you can pray away the gay, you’re gonna have a bad time

To a straight person, being gay looks really scary. Not that being gay itself seems scary, but the bullying and torment that comes with it. I’ve always been told that churches are supposed to be a sort of oasis in a world of torment, but in a lot of cases that isn’t true for gay people. Churches are just as guilty of bullying gay people, particularly gay couples. Continue reading If you think you can pray away the gay, you’re gonna have a bad time

Gay, successful, brave and he has a tight end: Michael Sam’s truth

I recently received a text from my father. He was asking for my opinion on a recent controversy involving a gay football player who was being considered as a top pick for the NFL draft. I was completely uneducated on the topic, so I began to research. Continue reading Gay, successful, brave and he has a tight end: Michael Sam’s truth

Having sex on … stage?

A picture from Clayton Pettet's Tumblr page. Image from Tumblr.
A picture from Clayton Pettet’s Tumblr page. Image from Tumblr.

Clayton Pettet, a 19-year-old performance artist and sophomore at Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design has decided to create the performance art piece of a lifetime. “Art School Stole My Virginity” will consist of him losing his homosexual anal virginity with his partner and fellow artist on stage, in front of a live audience. The performance will take place on Jan. 25 in Hackney, East London and on top of all of this, Pettet will be asking the audience for feedback. Continue reading Having sex on … stage?

Highlanders Anonymous: Romance, threesomes and ambiguity!

Question: “There’s a girl that I like that just got out of a long relationship and doesn’t want to see anyone at the moment. What should I do in order to win her heart or at least make her give me a chance?”

Answer: It depends on why she’s telling you that, whether you’ve asked her out or not and whether or not it looks like she’s trying to friend zone you.

Continue reading Highlanders Anonymous: Romance, threesomes and ambiguity!

Come to RU’s next Club Fair!

A lot of students look forward to Radford University’s club fair, a semiannual campus event that occurs at the start of each semester featuring  on-campus organizations that invite the student body, new and old, to participate and enrich their social and academic lives in college.

Continue reading Come to RU’s next Club Fair!

RU Home for the Summer: Roanoke, Va.

I love Roanoke, but I can’t say it’s particularly interesting.

Roanoke is strange in that combines a dense population one normally associates with cities and a conspicuous lack of smog.

Roanoke isn’t the most beautiful place to live, but it’s not the ugliest. It’s not the least polluted, and it’s not the most polluted by any stretch of the imagination. Honestly, the appropriate word seems to be “boring.” You’re more likely to find a church than you are to find a decent bar or club to spend your weekends at, and while no one could call Roanoke a “sleepy” city, its energy cannot and will not rival metropolises like Chicago or Richmond. It’s a little middling — not an escape from anything, not a shot of adrenaline, just … normal. Boring. Continue reading RU Home for the Summer: Roanoke, Va.

From our perspective: Republicans embrace the rainbow

As the Supreme Court of the United States prepares to pass judgment on the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act as well as the infamous Prop. 8, proponents of marriage equality have gained an unexpected ally.

More than 100 prominent Republicans have filed an amicus brief with the Supreme Court advocating for same-sex couples to have the same marriage rights as straight couples. Among the Republicans signing on are Beth Myers (Mitt Romney’s senior adviser in 2012), Charles Bass (a former Congressman from New Hampshire) and Douglas Holtz-Eakin (an economist who advised John McCain during his 2008 presidential campaign). Continue reading From our perspective: Republicans embrace the rainbow