Tag Archives: masculinity

Boys can Wear Skirts and Look Cute as Fuck

My boyfriend wears skirts. Not tunics, not man-skirts, and for sure not kilts. He wears skirts and he looks damn good doing it. Unfortunately, it took years for him to build up the courage to wear skirts as much as he wanted to. He suffered because of the male standards in our culture. I want to challenge these male standards and claim that continuing to follow them will be a detriment to our society as a whole.

Since around the 1920’s, it has become increasingly culturally acceptable for women to dress in pants. Today, women have access to blazers and suits that look great. Women have the choice to dress in a feminine or masculine way because they fought and earned that choice. Men have no choices at all. They must either dress in a masculine way or face ridicule. In our broader culture it is acceptable for women to want to be more like men, but for a man to give up his masculine power is a disgrace.

man skirt
“I want to challenge these male standards and claim that continuing to follow them will be a detriment to our society as a whole.” Photo from: https://i.ytimg.com

Men are culturally trained to reject feminine clothing in our society. This is because if a man wears feminine clothes, it implies the clothing and the people wearing it are as good as men. My boyfriend has been called sissy, fag, and other terrible names for wearing skirts. All these names come from other men. The idea of another man being happy and comfortable in a skirt is such a shock to them they feel the urge to tear down what they no longer consider a real man to preserve their own masculinity and their power.

Men need feminism just as much as women do. The core idea of feminism is that men and women are equal in society. True acceptance of this elevates women to the power of men, but it also unlocks the full breadth of the human experience to men. Feminist culture invites men to feel beautiful and powerful through makeup and clothing forbidden to them in a patriarchal culture. Feminism gives men a choice to be as masculine or as feminine as they wish, and it is not a mandate to become more feminine.

Even worse, modern masculinity standards are a parody of authentic manhood. We tell our boys to restrict their emotional expression, power through their pain, and never act like a girl. In order to preserve some idealized masculine fantasy, men are encouraging themselves to be less than full human beings. This unrealizable standard that men hold themselves to leads to corrupt and toxic masculinity characterized by external violence, hate, and internal self-loathing. Men, if you consider yourself a real man, call out your male friends when you hear them talking negatively about others in any form. A simple, “Hey man, that’s not cool,” is sufficient self-policing and is a start to changing minds. This is important if we want to work towards making our culture a more just and verdant society.

Easter, church, and angry men

Today, as I was getting food ready for my church’s breakfast, a man came storming into the kitchen. He was very hostile and angry, but for reasons I will never know. I think he was a part of the Traditional section of church, while I, on the other hand, am a part of the Intersections side, the side of the church that is more accepting and focuses on Jesus’ message in relation to modern culture.

A very angry Easter. Graphic from Dreamstime
A very angry Easter. Graphic from Dreamstime

Once I saw his suit and tie, his holier-than-thou attitude, and his raging anger, I was sure he belonged to Traditional. As he walked into the kitchen, he began to yell at my mother, screaming about how she wasn’t suppose to use the right side of the oven, how the oven was on but now it’s off and it’s all her fault. He was almost on the verge of complete insanity, screaming and yelling about who’s allowed to use the oven, which my mom is, by the way. Even on Easter, in a church (which is kind of funny if you think about it) he acted so disrespectful and rude to my mom, a woman who was simply trying to make her signature casserole for the members of Intersections. He had lost his mind.

On top of that, there were children in the kitchen, seventh graders, who help my mom cook every Sunday. How could a self-respecting, sane man scream like that in front of children? It was appalling, to say the least. I was proud of my mom, however, because she was calm, attempted to talk to him about the issues, tried to correct him on what was appropriate and what was not. Although, it took a man to tell him he was out of line, I was impressed by my mom’s relaxed demeanor.

It was obvious that this rude, angry man had some serious issues of his own. My vote is for suppressed homosexuality, years of being married to a woman when all he wants to do his have sex with men. That would make me seriously angry too. He also has zero respect for women, to the point where you’re kind of scared of what he would do if there was no one around. I’m also worried simply thinking about that fact that he probably has kids, and could potentially be talking to his family the way he talks to complete and innocent strangers. That man needs some serious help and I hope Jesus or, more importantly, someone in the medical profession can help him out with that. God bless.

Does male privilege hurt male domestic violence victims?

October was Domestic Violence Awareness month, and with it, many stories of survival and awareness became public. Most of these stories were from women explaining the struggle they faced at the hands of their abusers. Although these stories are very harrowing, men seem to be missing from the victims demographic.

On almost all big posts about domestic violence against women, there’s bound to be a few comments from men asking, “what about men who are abused? Why aren’t they taken seriously?” One of the issues with domestic violence against men is that these instances often go unreported. Women are much more likely to report domestic violence and get help, although many women still don’t report these crimes.

Why is it that men don’t report violent crimes committed against them at the hands of their spouses or partners? The answer is simple, really. Male privilege has backfired on men in many ways, but the worst is that there is little support or sympathy for men who are victims of domestic violence. There’s not as many organizations that reach out to men who are victims because men have always been told to “toughen up” and “suck it up” when they’re frightened.

black-eye-close-up
“On almost all big posts about domestic violence against women, there’s bound to be a few comments from men asking, “what about men who are abused? Why aren’t they taken seriously?”

When men report crimes committed against them, they’re often written off and even laughed at. Although I will admit that men have a physical advantage over women, domestic violence towards men is still very possible. Men have been taught that it’s not okay to hit a woman, and in many cases, men are scared to try to defend themselves and be mistaken for the instigator.

Many men would openly laugh at another man if he admitted that his partner hit him. Growing up, we all heard boys laugh at others, saying, “you got hit by a girl!” Inevitably, the boy will hang his head in shame and run away. Boys are taught to be tough and to hide their emotions, especially fear and sadness. This can be a huge disadvantage to men who do try to seek help.

As humans, we need to stand up against violence in any form and take these reports seriously. Violence is never okay, no matter who it’s being committed against. This male-dominant culture we live in which once served men well is no longer helping them. More men need to realize that feminism isn’t trying to tear them down, it’s trying to even the playing fields for both sexes. Men are just as likely to be victims of domestic violence, so it’s time we reach out to male victims and offer the support that is so readily available for women.

Hysterectomy vs. Vasectomy

There comes a time in every adults life, where a decision has to be made. Some people may make this decision after they’ve had enough kids, and some may make this decision before they even have kids. This decision isn’t an easy one and it can drastically change a persons body forever. This decision comes in two different flavors: hysterectomy and vasectomy.

This decision of who’s getting “fixed” is usually a mutual decision between a couple who are either done having kids or have decided not to have kids. Either way, once the procedure is done, the end result is always the same: the couple can no longer have children. Although many couples usually have an easy time deciding who’s going to be undergoing a procedure, there are a lot of risks that need to be taken into consideration.

sex organs
“This decision comes in two different flavors: hysterectomy and vasectomy.”

Many men feel that getting a vasectomy will somehow end their manhood. Although the man can no longer produce children, there’s no reason for him to feel that he isn’t as manly. On the other hand, there are a lot of hormonal and bodily issues that women can experience after getting a hysterectomy. Hysterectomies are very invasive. The woman’s entire reproductive system is essentially cut out of her. Although women can also get their tubes “tied,” this is also extremely invasive compared to the simplicity of a vasectomy.

Vasectomies are typically done in one doctor visit, with only local anesthesia being used. The man may be a little sore for the first few days, but he will recover quickly and will be able to continue his normal life, only having to take Tylenol or other drug store pain killers. However, a hysterectomy requires general anesthesia, a hospital stay and much stronger pain killers. There is also a lot of scarring that can occur.

Not only are hysterectomies a lot more dangerous and take more recovery time, they can affect a woman’s hormones in a way that could require additional medication. Many times, a woman will have a very difficult time getting aroused or achieving orgasm after getting a hysterectomy or getting her tubes tied. This issue doesn’t usually occur in men following vasectomy, although it can occur because of old age. Although men may not ejaculate, they will still be able to achieve orgasm.

Although many men may opt for a vasectomy and have no issue making that decision, I believe it’s important for men to realize that a procedure doesn’t affect their manhood. Making this small sacrifice for their partner is a lot easier than seeing them have a difficult time recovering.