Tag Archives: rant

I’m so f****** stressed out

If you can’t tell by the title, I’m so F****** stressed out. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I feel every single emotion at once. Anger, frustration, sadness, adrenaline, excitement, fear, and the list goes on and on. Leaving high school, I never thought college would be this stressful. Everybody always says “Oh, college is so much better. Just wait.” Well, it looks like I’m still waiting for college to not suck as much as it does now.

There are way too many things to juggle in college. School work, home work, work work, social life, family life, trying to figure what I want to do with my life, and so on. I’m stressed out all the time and I don’t know how to turn my brain off. Attempting to do all of the stuff on my to-do list is frustrating and annoying and I wish I had someone to help me. But I realize that most of the things I need to do are things I need to do myself, things that I need to accomplish on my own. That doesn’t change the fact that I hate it and I wish it would all just stop for a little bit.

Do you feel like stress is grabbing at you? Photo from pinterest
Do you feel like stress is grabbing at you?
Photo from pinterest

Being an adult is terrifying. Who knew that having all of this responsibility for my own work and for myself would be paralyzingly stressful. High school and other experiences try and prepare for what college has to offer, but no experience can truly depict what it feels like to be in college. It feels like you’re constantly running a marathon but you don’t know what you’re running towards, what the end looks like. You just keep running and running because everybody else is. But what is the point of it all?

I’m still trying to figure out my purpose in life, why I was put on this earth. I still don’t understand why we are put through the experiences that we are and what lesson we’re supposed to learn from it. I don’t understand life or what it all means, and I probably will never find out. But what I do know is that everything does have a purpose and a meaning. College is supposed to teach us something valuable and everything happens for a reason.

A glimpse inside depression

Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help.

Maybe it can, but this isn’t an ad for a common depression medication.

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in 8th grade. I hid it for years – the self-harm, the suicide attempts, the overwhelming hopelessness. I was diagnosed junior year of high school with depression and bipolar disorder, after one last, too-close suicide attempt.

My counselor found out via an anonymous tip and proceeded to take every last measure of making my life a living Hell. I won’t go too much into this, but to make it short – I spent an entire day in school at the guidance office, crying to my dad about how I didn’t want to make it so hard on him.

If you’ve met me, I’m a pretty normal, happy gal. But once you take a closer look, you’ll find out I’m nothing like who I portray myself to be.

I walk around campus, down hallways and stairwells, and think that everyone’s looking at me – judging me. I try my hardest to get from one place to another as quickly as possible.

“Normal” daily chores and tasks are harder for me. I struggle to get things done. I tell myself that everything is going to be alright, and I can get through it. Homework stresses me out. I get so anxious over little things that don’t matter, and try to do my best in everything I can. But I still procrastinate, I put off every single thing until the last minute, unless I know it will take me more than one all-nighter to do it.

Depression can follow you like a dark cloud Photo from dezzandcarol
Depression can follow you like a dark cloud
Photo from dezzandcarol

I find it hard to find basic meaning in everything I do. I ask myself “Why?” “Why am I doing this?”. I question myself, even things that I am supposed to enjoy doing – I don’t. Everything has become a load on my back, and I thought college would be better. College is supposed to be fun, right? But how am I supposed to “Get Involved”, if I have too much homework and too much anxiety?

I have to keep telling myself it will get better. I have so much in life to be thankful for, and so much to look forward to.

If you’re like me, don’t give up. Keep your chin up, and your head high. Take it one day at a time, and you might just turn out alright.

 

 

Don’t you wish you were a lesbian?

Have you ever heard one of your straight friends say “I wish I was a lesbian. It would be so much easier!” Or “I’m so done with boys. I’m going to become a lesbian.” If you haven’t, it means you are that friend and you need to stop.

These statements are not only ridiculous but also illogical. Do you really think you can just become a lesbian if you want to? Do you think you can simply wake up one morning and be a lesbian? I hate to break it to you, but that isn’t how it works. Not only are these sayings incorrect, but they are also rude and simply ignorant.

Wouldn’t being a lesbian be easier? Graphic from someecards.com

Wouldn’t being a lesbian be easier? Graphic from someecards.com

I have one question for you. How is “becoming” a lesbian easier for you? Is it easier because of all the rejection and bullying you will receive? Or is easier because your parents could potentially kick you out or stop paying for you college?

Being gay isn’t something to do when you’re bored or when you’re mad at your boyfriend. It is who some people are and they don’t need you belittling their sexuality because your crush doesn’t text you back.

Have you ever heard someone say “That must be so nice, being a lesbian and being hot. Boys can stare at you and hit on you and you can easily turn them down by saying you’re a lesbian,” because I have.

First of all, what? Being a lesbian, the last thing I want is some drooling frat boy hitting on me or staring at me.  

Second of all, have you met a college boy? Do you really think that by me saying I’m a lesbian would stop them? Many straight guys have no respect for us gay girls. They will either ask for a threesome or say they have the “cure” for being gay which I’m sure you can connect the dots to what the “cure” is.

Third of all, if you want to turn a boy down or tell him you’re not interested, you don’t have to use the excuse of being a lesbian. Simply tell them to go away. If they don’t, go grab one of your boyfriends or walk away yourself. You don’t need to objectify someone else’s sexuality to get some gross boy away from you.

Being gay isn’t some accessory for you to wear out one night so you can avoid being hit on. It isn’t a fun game to play when you’re mad at your boyfriend or some guy hurt your feelings.

Being gay is someone else’s reality, it might not be yours, but guess what? The world doesn’t revolve around you.

 

I eat what I want

Sometimes, I feel like I have a secret identity, because I’m a vegetarian and most people don’t know. This is due to me not broadcasting it. Sure, I chose not to eat meat, but that doesn’t mean I feel the need to share that. There are many people out there that push a huge stereotype onto me every time they find out this little fact about me and it couldn’t be more irritating. You’d think that I would be the one with a judgmental attitude towards others simply because of my choice, but that couldn’t be more wrong.

Ron Swanson eats what he wants, so should you. Graphic from Very Funny Pics
Ron Swanson eats what he wants, so should you. Graphic from Very Funny Pics

When I’m offered a food that contains meat, I’ll politely refuse. Here is where I quickly state that I’m a vegetarian and no thank you, I can’t eat that without puking my guts out. Right off the bat, people assume that I’m self-righteous and think I’m better than everyone because I haven’t eaten meat in close to a decade. Usually the instant response I get is “I had no idea! So, what can you even eat?”

Well, I eat what I want, folks. I eat just about anything that never had a face. Being a vegetarian is a tricky affair. Here at RU, there aren’t many dining options for us. If you catch Chick-fil-A before 10:30, there’s a breakfast biscuit with egg and cheese. It’s a decent breakfast, especially with the small addition of a box of hash browns.

Also, in the Bonnie, is Hisho. There you can eat some edamame, seaweed salad, avocado sushi, or some tofu stir-fry. Moving to Dalton, the options get slimmer. There’s the Dalton Dining to Go option or some french fries at Wendy’s right across from it. Other than that, there are some soggy sandwiches and expensive fruit for purchase from ABP and-of course-there’s always the Papa John’s pizza option.

Vegetarianism is a huge change to your diet. After a while, eating any meat could make you physically ill if you haven’t had it for long enough. If it’s hard for you to grasp why people chose to diet in a certain way, then treat it like an allergy. I can eat meat if I want to, but the consequences will be grave. Be kind to vegetarians, they’re people too.