Tag Archives: selfish

Nice guys don’t always finish last

You’ve heard of the expression “nice guys finish last.” And if you’re a guy, you may feel that term to be true. “Bad boys” are exciting, right? Being treated like garbage, ignored, but still able to go out to parties and be seen with the most mysterious hot guy there? It’s thrilling to have your heart torn into pieces and thrown into the fire. Right? Wrong.

Forget that overused, utterly long, unfortunate phrase. A new study by scientists for the University of Worcester and the University of Sunderland, both in the United Kingdom, discovered that men who are attentive to the happiness and prosperity of others rather than themselves may be more attractive to women in comparison to men who are just good-looking.

Image from parentmap.com
Selfless men are seen as more desirable, if women want a long term relationship. Image from parentmap.com

Altruism is the term for when someone acts in a way that is beneficial to others and not themselves. In the new study, the researchers analyzed what happened when two desirable characteristics, physical attractiveness and altruism, were investigated together, and whether women preferred one quality over the other.

In the study, 202 women were shown pictures of 24 men of varying degrees of attractiveness. Alongside the photos were descriptions of the men doing something like saving a child from a river or buying coffee for a homeless person. Other photos were accompanied with rude or unappealing situations, such as the man refusing to help in either of the previous scenarios.

The researchers found that being selfless gave men a better chance with a woman if she was looking for something long term.

In contrast, the new study found that selfish men were seen as more desirable among women who were looking for a fling. Farrelly said he found this result interesting, and he said one possible explanation is that it relates to other characteristics that women prefer in short-term partners. For instance, it might be that if a woman is looking for something short term, her choice of a partner might be one with less socially desirable traits such as narcissism, the researchers said.

If you want a fling, continue on your “bad boy” path, if you’re looking for something a little more serious, try finding someone who thinks of others than themselves..

Being anyone but you is overrated

In such a fake world where everyone pretends to be something they’re not, it’s getting increasingly harder to be yourself. We often idolize celebrities, wish we had their lives and even copy things they do in the hope that we will be respected or idolized as they are. I’m here to tell you, though, that trying to be like someone else is completely overrated.

Dr. Seuss says "be who you are." Graphic from I Heart  Inspiration
Dr. Seuss says “be who you are.” Graphic from I Heart Inspiration

When you are 100% your authentic self, you’ll find that you attract better company and often have experiences and opportunities that you’ll appreciate. Trying to be someone you’re not will often put you in situations that you don’t actually enjoy, but you feel the need to pretend you enjoy. You’ll also find yourself surrounded by people you don’t particularly like, because you’re  attracting people who don’t know your real interests.

When I was in high school, being myself was never safe. I’m very weird and awkward,and I was desperate to fit in somewhere, so I tried to fit in with people who I could simply tolerate. I didn’t agree with a lot of things these girls said or did– but I felt like I needed friends, so I faked it. When I got to college,  those who once judged me were no longer there.  I had a clean slate for the first time in my life. No one knew me, and there were so many people compared to my high school of 500. Because I was able to express myself more freely, I started making some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I’ve connected with people on levels I never thought were possible.

Being yourself isn’t always easy. We live in a society that is obsessed with what celebrities are wearing or doing, and often we try to copy those things, no matter the consequences. An awful example of this is the thousands of kids who have attempted the “Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge.” However, taking a leap of faith and immersing yourself in things that you actually enjoy will lead you to living a happier, healthier life. Being yourself will only allow you to feel comfortable and free, so why not give it a shot? In the wise words of  Dr. Seuss, “those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.”

 

Reality of a narcissist

Social media is instantaneous and wildly entertaining, but no one really cares what you ate at Olive Garden last night(especially after the third picture of your lasagna frittata). This is a reality that many don’t seem to realize, since they’re so caught up with how others perceive them and how many “likes” are on their pictures.

The fact that people are getting so addicted to these 1 cm x 1 cm apps on their phone is kind of terrifying to me.They’re connected with friends and strangers, but they can’t seem to connect to the people sitting right in front of them.

Are you a Narcissus?
Are you a Narcissus? Graphic from Greek Mythology

This is the generation of technology. I really don’t like to think I’m old-fashioned, but I can’t understand the level of importance our generation places on the concept of self-promotion. “I went to a party last night but if I don’t post about it on Instagram, who will know if I went?”

Who cares? It’s not like if you didn’t take pictures, you can’t tell people about it when you see them next. Or better yet, treat it as an awesome college memory! No one needs (or cares) to know what you’re doing and how you’re feeling every second of the day. It takes the fun out of stories; it sucks the mystery out of life, and it seems to be making people less comfortable about themselves in the process.

Ladies, when was the last time you went out to a party without makeup on? Other than feeling a little underdressed, you might feel anxious that someone could be capturing this monumental event on their phone and will (unbeknownst to you) post it on Twitter or Instagram. But so what if they do? With society’s chokehold on young women to always be “on” and perfectly made up, social media seems to make it worse. With the click of a button, your picture can be sent into the world for everyone to comment, judge and critique.

While I get the appeal of strangers, acquaintances and friends commenting, “Lookin’ hot girl, you’re stunning!” I don’t see how it’s conducive to helping our self-image and relationships. Instead of connecting with people in person, it’s done online. Being a communication major, social media is my worst nightmare. I somehow have to convey what I mean without using body language, tone of voice or facial expression.

It just makes relationships too shallow to me. I want to be able to really connect with people on a level that the Internet simply cannot provide, and I’m okay with that. While people are at a party capturing “candids” with their friends to post online, I’ll be outside having meaningful conversations with people I am happy to be with in the moment.

It’s perfectly okay to be selfish

We’re told from the time we’re in preschool that caring for other people should be a top priority. Girls especially feel the pressure to be nurturing, because of the expectation that we will someday be mothers.  However, I reject this premise.

I have the motherly instincts of a female great white shark. I’ve never been very motherly. The idea of squeezing a human out of my body creeps me out, and the idea of raising that human seems like a huge inconvenience. Many older women tell me that someday the instincts will settle in and my ovaries will send me on a mission to get pregnant. However, I don’t sense that side of me ever coming out.

As a newly single person, I’ve realized how important it is to take care of my own needs before anyone else’s. Taking care of yourself is so important in order to be happy in any relationship. As young, unmarried adults, we’re afforded a privilege that we must give up once we become parents: the right to be selfish.

Once you have a child, it can be much more difficult to go on trips or buy nice things for yourself. Raising a child is a huge expense. I know from experience that there have been times that my parents have made huge sacrifices just so I can have something nicer than what they have.

Our society is obsessed with procreation. Many couples feel the pressure to pop out babies the moment they exchange vows. I hope that when I’m married, we don’t feel that pressure and can enjoy each other while also doing the things we want to do.

Being selfish while you’re in college is also very important. You have to realize that your needs and future are the most important thing to focus on while you’re young. You can’t risk that in order to care for a significant other or a friend. It’s extremely important that we make our priorities our top priority.

Many people argue that caring for others is noble — something we need to practice daily. I believe that putting your needs before anyone else’s is vital to surviving college and life as a young adult. It’s okay to care for others, but we can’t neglect our own needs to serve someone else.

Our own selves are the only thing we’re born with and take to the grave. Our own accomplishments, passions, and desires need to always be at the forefront of our daily activities. It’s easy to get lost in a relationship as a young adult and feel the need to care for someone else. However, we should all take a step back and look at ourselves, make a decision to be selfish and go after the things we want most — without letting others convince us that their needs and problems have become ours.